Breaking: Israeli-Palestinian conflict unexpectedly solved during SGA debate
“After the progress we made in these last few hours, it looks like we’ll be clearing this whole mess up by Thanksgiving.”
Report: HUD Secretary Ben Carson still trying to find his luggage
Carson hasn’t shown up to work since his confirmation in March.
Cole Field House renovations funded by one day of DOTS parking tickets
Members of the student body have raised concerns about both the methods and the scale of the parking enforcement strategy.
Report: Sean Spicer resigns to spend more time deflecting questions from his wife and kids
“After months spent honorably serving the American public, Secretary Spicer will return home to resume dodging his wife’s questions regarding whether he remembered to take out the trash.”
Cash-strapped National Park Service to sell ad space on the sides of wildlife
Despite strong pushback from environmental and animal welfare organizations, the proposal appears to be picking up steam.
From Pyongyang to Poland, North Korean human trafficking spans the globe
North Korea runs a vast network of slave exportation that extends into the heart of the European Union.
‘This deli is rigged!’ Sanders sues local sandwich shop for mayo inequality
‘And while I’m at it, I’m sick and tired of hearing about your damn lunch specials!’
Senate now hiding spare key to the Capitol in Mitch McConnell’s jowls
“Whenever Mitch feels threatened, he just retreats into his shell. Sometimes he won’t come out for hours until we promise to give him some fresh cabbage or deny health insurance to 9/11 first responders,” Speaker Paul Ryan said.
Jeff Sessions praises ‘Get Out’ as the ‘feel-good movie of the year’
Sources confirmed Sessions was repeatedly told to stop chuckling throughout the duration of the movie.
White House announces groundbreaking “Four Years Without a Woman” initiative
“Most liberals only care about taking women out of the workforce once a year. We’ve been focused on this since Inauguration Day.”