Although I pride myself in being a no-BS type of gal when it comes to spending money, I recently gave in to capitalism and headed to my favorite shops to celebrate Black Friday and Cyber Monday.
As I prepared to kiss my savings goodbye, I scoured online stores for a comfy — and affordable — pair of high-rise jeans. Switching among my Urban Outfitters, ASOS and Nordstrom tabs, I marveled at their vast collection of high-rise pants.
But amid those holy jeans crafted by the gods lingered their disgraceful twins from hell: the infamous and crotch-pinching low-rise jeans. Sure, Normani may have boldly rocked a pair — with a crop top, no less — in her “Motivation” music video, but that doesn’t give low-rise jeans the right to come back — sorry, not sorry.
Let’s flash back to elementary and middle school, when I wore low-rise and boot-cut style jeans religiously. I wasn’t quite the fashionista back then — unlike now — but my favorite school outfit consisted of dark wash low-cut jeans paired with a white turtleneck and a red plaid vest. To add to the atrocity of the whole fit, my hair was styled in a bob and adorned with a collection of eyesore hairpins.
Wearing those low-rise jeans was hard work, mainly because they were just so painful all the time. They pinched and pricked in all the wrong places. They gave the worst wedgies and constantly slid down to give underpants the publicity they don’t deserve.
No shirt, sweater or tank top could ever gracefully tuck into a pair of low-rise jeans. And that pleasurable feeling of pulling up your high-rise jeans and having them bunch up around the waist is just not achievable.
Sure, low-cut jeans are an homage to early 2000s fashion — they were a staple of Britney Spears’s glory days and Victoria Beckham made them look chic and alluring. But as the 2010s near their end, it’s clear that, along with JUULs, cakey makeup and poorly done ombre hairstyles, low-cut jeans must be placed on the list of embarrassments to humanity and banished from stores and our closets.
[Read more: Essential items for your winter wardrobe]