With the holidays and the current heightened threat of the COVID-19 pandemic we’re in, social media use is at an all time high for some. In light of my last column on social media’s impact on Gen Z, I’ve decided to put together a guide of what to post, and where, in the event that you, yourself, utilize social media. Consider this my gift to you.
This is where you post exciting news you haven’t had time to tell your parents yet. Feel free to DM your friends five posts in a row, and of course, voice your opinions on the latest memes gripping society. Post all your “hot” sports takes in a single thread, so people like me don’t have to read any more than they have to. If you start to feel an overwhelming sense of insufficiency or frustration with other people’s half thought out responses, my God, log off. As much as you’d probably love to roast that reply guy, fueling the fire only makes him stronger. Avoid political discourse if you want to make it out alive.
This is where you post the most filtered version of your life you can conjure. Personally, I’m a fan of that filter you get when you swipe once over as well as the location or temperature tag. Be sure to capture the sunset any time it’s half decent. Occasionally, change up the feed with a quirky selfie. This is also where you forget who you have on your Snap Map until it’s too late, and you’re in the same grocery store as someone from high school.
[Why you should compartmentalize your social media presence]
Private Snapchat Stories
Any travel plans, no matter how essential to you, live here in the event that someone misconstrues your COVID-consciousness. Personal grievances you have with minor obstacles in your life are definitely a must, and the opposite is true as well — feel free to post anything exciting you feel the general populace won’t appreciate. Whatever you do, don’t forget who you have selected to view your most precious ramblings. As the times change, so must your audience.
This is another place to show off your totally cool and suave life. Post variations of the same photo nobody can tell the difference between in your carousels. Avoid videos unless you like knockoff TikToks. If you want to be mysterious, only post once a year. And if you have a significant other, post them. Post them. Every. Single. Day. You can also use your story to showcase propaganda of your choosing, including things you wouldn’t say to people in real life.
Anything goes on finsta. As long as your name isn’t directly in your profile, you’re fine, right? Unless you’re obsessed with what people think about you. Then, only post a nugget of personal information every so often, so they feel like they know you. This is also a good place to document your mental health journey or relationship status. Unless it’s really bad, then post on Snapchat.
[Review: ‘Once Upon a One More Time’ is an odd but fun take on Britney Spears’ classics]
If you’re above the age of 30, take everything I’ve written about the other platforms and apply it here. If you’re not, I don’t know? Maybe a picture of your dog or something? Note that if you change your relationship status to anything other than “Married,” you’ll probably have to change it back.
Any oddly personal or intimate details about yourself go here. Unless you’re good at dancing. Then, forget everything else and just copy what Charli D’Amelio does. Become a master editor and an impervious lip syncer to join the ranks of the other wannabe influencers. Just remember that anything public you post could show up on the feed of that popular girl who you were scared of in high school.
This is where you curate perfectly organized playlists and listen to the same song on repeat in the hopes that your crush will take the hint. Or, make really sad playlists in the hopes that your friends will catch you listening to Beach Bunny and remember to text you. Always forget to opt for a private listening session when you’re listening to something embarrassing … like TikTok top hits.
Your job announcements and only your job announcements. Maybe the occasional congratulations to someone you’re jealous of.
In all seriousness, post whatever you want on social media. Unless your mom or the dean of your college follows you. Then, maybe, don’t. Not that I would know.