College is a magical, transient time of newfound independence, self-discovery and embarrassing drunk antics. For the first time in your young adult life, you have nobody to respond to!

Your room can be as disgusting as your seasonally depressed heart will allow, even if your roommate wants to kill you in your sleep for it. Classes will absolutely be skipped, and binge drinking is almost encouraged. It’s also the time where you learn how hard being alive is.

Living in an apartment means you need so many things. What do you mean I have to buy batteries? They aren’t just magically always available and replenished like they are at home? No, you idiot! And they are so expensive!

Experimentation is probably the choice word for many when they reflect on their own college experiences. This entails negative and positive experiences. But there is one concerning trend I have observed that we really really need to talk about:

College apartment decor.

I get it. Resources are limited. As students, we move around a lot throughout four years, and much of our worldly possessions are acquired from previous tenants and Facebook groups. But for the sake of your home and my eyes, I am going to address the three most erroneous faux pas that need to change.

Using empty liquor bottles as decorations, which they are not.

OK. I’m glad we got that out of the way. I’m going to reiterate in case it didn’t sink in.

AN EMPTY HANDLE OF ZELKO OR BURNETT’S IS NOT A HOME DECORATION.

What even is it about an empty bottle that makes you think it is a decoration? Here are some things that you could buy at a home decor store instead

  • Photos

  • Paintings

  • Plants

  • Anything but a plastic container to prove that you were able to down 1.75 liters of cheap grain alcohol

I don’t know where this tradition started, but it’s like when hunters kill animals and mount their victims on the wall. Except you didn’t even kill a thing. You used a fake Rhode Island driver’s license at The Barn to sweatily recite your birthday before the attendant allowed you to victoriously go back to the car with four handles for your friend Carly’s 19th birthday. Also, you forgot the chaser, so you’re going to have to use the almond milk in her dorm mini fridge.

[Read more: Why you should stop buying and wearing Supreme]

Stolen street signs

This is mostly directed to male students. I don’t care that it’s illegal to steal public property, or that when you do it you’re just putting people’s tax dollars toward replacing the signs. I’m more annoyed that you don’t even bother to steal the good ones, or hang them up in a meaningful way.

Does the orange traffic cone in your living room spark joy, Travis? What is the point of stealing an intersection sign when it just lays haphazardly in the corner of your living room?

There are people in Colorado who stole a 420 road sign so frequently officials decided to give up and replace it with a 419.99 sign. This is what you should be aspiring to if you are so passionate about cultivating an urban-industrial aesthetic in your apartment. Do better.

That one Jersey Shore quote that so many people have on a tapestry.

I don’t even really have anything negative to say about this one because Jersey Shore is a cultural touchstone of the mid 2000s. This is more of an acknowledgment that, for some reason, so many people have this tapestry.

I don’t even go out very much, but I’ve been in countless apartments that proudly display this in the living room. Is the hilariously formal yet clunkily phrased anonymous proclamation of Ron’s infidelity iconic? Yes. But the 2000s were full of so many equally worthy tapestry quotes. Why doesn’t anyone have the Alexis Neiers Louboutin phone call in their home? I want justice.

None of this is really that erroneous, I guess. I just wish we all put more effort into cultivating spaces that emphasized comfort and aesthetics, and gave less glory to a weird culture of boasting how frequently you get trashed.