Someone needs to tell R. Kelly that the true meaning of Christmas isn’t sex … or is it?
No, it isn’t.
Sure, there is the excitement of the mistletoe and the themes of spreading love to all, but this is pretty well-accepted as platonic love.
Despite this, Kelly sexualizes Christmas traditions that are usually reserved for childhood nostalgia. Whether he is singing about how he wants to “fill your stocking with sweet things,” or asking Mrs. Santa Claus to let him “unwrap” her, Kelly has no shortage of cringe-worthy lines.
But we should have seen this coming. What is an R. Kelly album if not excessively sexual? Still, the opening track, “My Wish for Christmas,” seems out of left field compared to the rest of the album.
On the track, Kelly sings about wholesome Christmas themes of world peace, sheltering the homeless, love and joy conquering hate and pain, and happiness for families. Surprisingly, there is not a single racy meaning shoe-horned into an old Christmas trope.
The song left me a combination of intrigued, disappointed and relieved. The next 11 tracks, however, brought back the R. Kelly that we all know.
The album has no real reason to even involve Christmas, apart from his hilariously gross innuendos. On “Christmas Lovin,'” his true apathy for the holiday comes out, singing “I don’t want no Christmas, baby.”
I think we all know what he wants.
On the same track he talks about taking off early from work and turning away all of his friends just to spend the day alone and make love with his “girl.”
He uses this phrase again on the track “Snowman,” when he says he is looking for his “snowgirl.” Maybe snowwoman would have been harder to fit into his song, but it certainly would have made the song less creepy. His scat solo outro doesn’t help, though it sets more of a goofy tone.
This album is certainly not how most people get themselves in the holiday spirit. It certainly could get you in the mood for something else — so long as you don’t mind references to Christmas and jingle bells in the background. And there’s also R. Kelly’s singing. If you don’t like his voice, you’re shit out of luck.
It is said that there are two ways to live life: as if everything is a miracle and as if nothing is a miracle. The cynical view of this album is reasonable, perhaps even much more logical than simply enjoying this album.
But why not find a reason to enjoy it? At times the innuendos are laugh-out-loud funny. So why not smile at this album rather than look down upon it?
Is his blending of sex and Christmas ridiculous and laughable? Absolutely. But R. Kelly makes us laugh time and time again on this album, even though he isn’t trying to be funny. And spreading joy is what the holiday season is all about.
