Less than 50 years ago, it was unlawful for black and white people to marry. For a lot of people, interracial marriage became legal during the lifetime of a parent or close relative. Nowadays, we see a widespread mixture of people from different backgrounds in relationships and thriving thanks to the steps that were taken towards integration. All of this is wonderful for those who have found love across color lines, and it is amazing to see such a measurable difference over time, but it has become evident to me that black women tend to get the short end of the stick.
According to various studies conducted by dating websites such as OkCupid, black women are the least desirable, least preferred or receive the least replies among all women. In the study, every race actually preferred another race over their own, but the lowest responses are found with black women. There are many negative stereotypes associated with blackness in general, and there are stigmas attached to womanhood, so black women deal with a double whammy on a daily basis. We are often typified as loud, ghetto and unattractive. Then we are oversexualized for our features, often ignoring who we are. These ideas attributed to black women are extremely harmful and paint a false picture.
Because these ideas are rehashed in the media so frequently, it is often the only image people outside of the black community see of black women. Men within the black community see black women in many aspects of their lives, and these impressions are mixed with the images portrayed on television. These conflicting messages cause cognitive dissonance, thereby confusing some men about who black women are and what we can be.
More recently, there has been a trend of increased fetishization of foreign-looking women, and black women who do not fit the bill are demonized. Plus, many black men are dealing with some level of self-hatred because of external influences, and this is reflected in their views of black women.
On Twitter, it has become increasingly popular for black women to express self-love and post selfies celebrating their melanin in all its forms. What tends to happen is these posts receive negative feedback — mainly from black men — bashing the women for their skin tone or any other features they deem unacceptable. People will turn around and praise foreign-looking women for artificially achieving the same features black women have.
In times such as these, it is imperative for positive images of black men and women loving one another to be displayed. It has become rare for such an image to be shown in a positive light, but this is a disservice to black children. Young black children are seeing positive images of black couples less and less, normalizing this divide for them starting at a young age. The idea that people from other races are more desirable than those within one’s own could be easily internalized, and it may be difficult to undo such damage.
The more people see normal black couples in healthy relationships, the more that image becomes realistic. The power behind black people loving one another in a society that only wants to see them torn down is great and could significantly change how black people interact with one another. In a time when black people are repeatedly told that they are unloved and unworthy, it is radical and very important to love one another deeply, and change the way the world views black love.
Hope Hynson is a sophomore psychology major and a member of UMD’s chapter of the NAACP. She can be reached at hopehynson@gmail.com.
