I’m seething in front of my desktop computer. Commercial after commercial airs as my rage builds toward the inanimate objects in front of me. I’ll be damned if this Twitter NFL live stream has anymore commercials! Not that I even like what I’m watching. I don’t even particularly like the New York Jets or the Buffalo Bills, but here I am, angry at the university’s shaky Wi-Fi connection, angry at the Bills for their lack of defensive cohesion and, secretly, angry at myself.
Where did it all go wrong? What happened to Max “Can’t Get Behind On Lecture” An? How was I suddenly four lectures behind, with a neurobiology midterm on Tuesday and a paper due Monday? And why the hell was I watching some crappy NFL game instead of doing actual work?
Perhaps some of my procrastination stems from my desire to immerse and lose myself in something — anything — so that I may temporarily forget the painful truths of reality.
My time at this university, once intangible and infinite, is now appreciably evaporating. Having spent the last couple years working toward a potential medical career, deep down, I fear that I may have forsaken too much in my attempts to conquer academia. Who knows how many friends I’ve flaked on, or how many hangouts I’ve turned down? Is it too late to reconvene with my precious friends or have they moved on without me?
These are the questions that haunt me now, and strangely enough, these are the questions that scare me more than a potential B. Grades are undoubtedly important, but at this point I wish I had paid more attention to my relationships. After all, what is the point of personal advancement if there is no one to share the accomplishment with?
Perhaps, in your view, I have taken things to an extreme, and perhaps I have erroneously justified my lazy procrastination as an attempt to repair relationships that I should have maintained earlier. Maybe I am a living embodiment of senioritis. But even so, this year I’ll do what I have to do to ensure that when I leave this university, I am happy not just with the numbers on my transcript, but also with the people in my life.
Do I feel tinges of regret watching Thursday night football with friends instead of studying? Yes, absolutely. But if a little bit of procrastination is the small price that I must pay to make new memories with friends, then I will gladly bear the burden. Perhaps finally, I can live a bit more like Hannah Montana, and obtain the best of both worlds. And to my friends: If you’re reading this, let me know if you would like to go to the next soccer game together. After all, I’ll be done with my neurobiology exam after Tuesday.
Max An is a senior physiology and neurobiology major. He can be reached at maxandbk@gmail.com.
