As a kid, Valentine’s Day was my favorite in-school holiday. “Why?” you might ask. Well, from kindergarten to fourth grade, Valentine’s Day was always a day of wonder. The days prior to the big Feb. 14 were spent frantically searching every local supermarket for the perfect valentines (Looney Tunes, duh) and complementary candy (no one liked that kid who gave out nerds). Armed with my 40-something carefully folded cards and a bag of heart-shaped Hershey’s chocolates, I braced myself for the smorgasbord of hearts, cupcakes and candies. It was a great day to love friends…

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It was a great day to love friends

“What do you think about Valentine’s Day?”

“It’s just a nice, loving day.”

 

…but definitely not boys.

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They make me want to hurl

 ”They make me want to hurl.”

 

Much to my second grade-self’s dismay, Valentine’s Day is an evolving holiday, and middle school brought a new wave of pink and red adversaries. No parties faced me as I took bold steps into homeroom. Instead, there were candy hearts from secret admirers and, of course, the dreaded mystery flowers: red for love, white for friendship. Guess which color I didn’t get.

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Admirers

 “Can you cure deep-down, black, bottom of the well, no hope, end of the world, what’s the use loneliness?”

 

And of course, classmates coupled up as if life depended on having a V-Day buddy. But that was just the beginning.

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Lizzie McGuire

 

High school posed another challenge. Valentine’s Day wasn’t present in the beloved chocolate and cartoon cards of yesteryear, or even the relatively tame flowers, but rather in the obnoxious manifestation of couples, languorously draped across lockers and breaking every public display of affection law known to man. Not to mention the level of gifts had magnified tenfold.

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Taylors

 “You guys are … oh.”

 

Nothing, however, prepared me for Valentine’s Day: College Edition, in which, depending on whom you ask, either no one cares, everything is about sex or, most popular of all, Netflix and chocolate count as a Valentine.

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Girl stuffing face

 

Return to our main Valentine’s Day page here.