Waiting not-so-patiently for Skirt Day
Attention beautiful women of College Park: We men are disappointed in you. It is April 17 and you have yet to deliver our favorite spring tradition: Skirt Day. Yes, the return of baseball is great. True, I’m enjoying the opportunity to grill out back. And of course, birds returning, trees blooming and all that nature stuff is cool too. Those things are all fine and good, but for me, spring does not truly begin until Skirt Day has occurred.I understand some of you may be confused; “What the hell is skirt day?” Well, your buddy Johnny is here to explain. Every spring, there is one day that is so beautiful, it seems that every girl on campus decides it is time to free her legs from the denim dungeon of winter and don a skirt.I have no idea how y’all instinctively know when Skirt Day is, but, for the past three years in College Park, Skirt Day has, without fail, come calling before the tax man arrives. I assume all girls are implanted with a chip at birth that tells them when it’s Skirt Day, as well as other things designed to both bewilder and attract men. Or possibly there is a College Park Secret Hot Girls Club (if you’re saying to yourself that there isn’t, take a look in the mirror … maybe you weren’t invited).If there is such a club, please do schedule Skirt Day very soon. Now for the past few weeks there have been gentle rumblings of a possible Skirt Day. Yet still, no Skirt Day. This is not a mere request but a biological imperative. Just as in nature many female animals give some sort of demonstrative symbol that its mating season. We’re ready for the signal. Let the hunt begin!
Johnny MathiasSeniorGovernment and politics
Flawed rationale for the keg law
I take objection to Del. Joseline Peña-Melnyk (D-Anne Arundel and Prince George’s) and University Police Sgt. Phillip Tou’s clumsy and insensitive comments attempting to justify the new keg registration law in Tuesday’s Diamondback (“Keg law may change police work”). Both officials linked drinking and parties to the violent crimes so prevalent in their overlapping jurisdictions. Beyond this being a major confusion of cause and effect, their statements are hurtful to people who have been victimized by violent crimes.Victims of violent crimes – a demographic that is too large at this university – are constantly blamed for provoking the conduct of their attackers. This logic is wrong, and worse, its effect on victims is nothing less than painful. I doubt Peña-Melnyk and Tou would slight the victim of a rape for getting “too drunk” at a party. I doubt they would hold the victim of a racially motivated crime accountable for walking through the wrong neighborhood. Yet Peña-Melnyk and Tou give this painful logic credence with their comments by characterizing the parties and their participants as culpable actors instead of the criminals. I would submit that this law probably makes sense insofar as it promotes public health by controlling underage drinking – a worthy justification. But instead, Peña-Melnyk and Tou used the passage of this law to promote their own flawed policy objectives. So often, leaders blame some insular minority for the problems of the whole. Why? Because it’s easy. It allows the people who are in charge to ignore a problem they feel helpless to control (here, extremely high violent crime rates) by blaming a group they know is politically powerless (here, college students). I urge the delegate and the sergeant to focus their policy motivations toward the criminals and not the victims.
Kip M. EdwardsClass of 2007
