True love on Tinder? Not so much
Meeting new people online or through a mobile app can be pretty scary. Whenever friends used to tell me they were going on dates with people they met online, my immediate level-headed response was always, “But what if he drags you back to his dungeon and savagely murders you?!”
I recently decided to download Tinder and chronicle my experiences for The Diamondback. For those of you who don’t live on Earth, Tinder is a mobile app that connects local users’ Facebook profiles and allows them to swipe right if they find someone attractive or someone they’d be interested in meeting. Otherwise, users can swipe left. If two users swiped right for each other, they can start a direct message conversation.
In the interest of being honest, rather than sounding shallow, I will admit that many guys messaged me, but this seems to be typical for female users. The introductory conversation starter from the opposite sex included anything from “How are you doing?” or “You remind me of my ex” to my personal favorite: “If you don’t intend to have a conversation, reply with ‘1,’ if you want to go on a date, reply with ‘2,’ or if you want to get drunk, have sex and eat pizza afterwards, reply with ‘3.’”
Before starting this experiment, I laid down some ground rules:
First, I wasn’t allowed to message someone first. Though I’d never say I’m an opponent of making the first move, I wanted to see what would happen with the guys who were interested enough to start and hold a conversation.
Second, I couldn’t fool or mislead anyone. I only continued conversations with people if I was interested in the topic at hand, and I only met someone if I truly wanted to go on a date with him. As much as I’d love to be a gorgeous journalist dating Matthew McConaughey in New York City, this isn’t How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. This is real life, so we should actually take care not to hurt people’s feelings.
I could write a massive list of some pretty unique experiences on Tinder, but here are the three most interesting men I’ve either met or spoken to through using the app:
Aaron the Activist
I swiped right because he was a student at this university, attractive and, by looking at his photos, interested in the same political topics as I am. Instead of flirting, we spoke about computer science classes, homework and U.S.-Israel relations. I know — so steamy, right? For some reason, I was really glad we didn’t talk about butt sex or anything. It was easy to talk casually about important interests without acting as if he was the James Deen to my Asa Akira. It seemed as though everything was going well — we were messaging each other as if we were becoming new friends — but all of a sudden, he fell off the face of the earth. Aaron left the conversation and never came back. I guess that’s Tinder for you.
Nick the Pervert
I swiped right because he was a Ravens fan and seemed like a guy who knew how to enjoy himself. After introducing himself, he immediately asked me, “So you wanna?” After asking what he meant, he responded, “hook up!” I immediately ignored him. A day later, I got a Facebook friend request from a Nick with the same profile picture as the creep from Tinder. I blocked him and reminded myself how important safety is in online dating.
John the Marine
I swiped right because he looked good in uniform and seemed pretty professional. A U.S. Marine turned systems engineer, John and I talked about computer programming, his tours in Afghanistan and Colombia and a skeleton he had in his closet (which, as I write this, I’m realizing is none of your business and didn’t make me like him any less).
John was the only person whom I physically met. So far, we’ve been on a few dates. I view our chemistry as this strange yet exhilarating combination of personal interest and physical attraction. Whenever we’re with each other, I can’t prevent myself from picking his brain or lying down and studying his tattoos. We ask each other crazy questions in the middle of restaurants just to put each other on the spot and don’t mind that we disagree on certain things. Though I don’t know what John and I have, I know I want it to grow further. If he’s reading this, I hope he can address my feelings — they’re pretty “insatiable,” if he knows what I mean.
Using Tinder taught me that the app isn’t entirely as sketchy as I originally thought it was. When used appropriately, you can meet some interesting, like-minded people. To anyone critiquing my use of the app, let me tell you: I like dating and continuing my search to find the next guy who might be “The One.” And if I have to rely on a few algorithms to do that, then so be it.
