Q: My boyfriend has been very distant lately, and I have reason to believe he is cheating on me. I’m normally not a jealous or crazy girlfriend, but I’m so tempted to go through his phone and see if there’s any evidence to support my fear. Is that crossing the line?
A: Before you resort to Patriot Act-esque means, you need to just ask him straight up. You’d be surprised how willing most guys are to admit to cheating. After all, hooking up with multiple attractive girls on a regular basis can get tiring. Give a guy a break. Sometimes he needs to just get the weight off his shoulders, and it’s only fair you should help share the burden of the emotional destruction he has caused. It’s a lot for one person to walk around with.
I’m obviously being sarcastic, but as far as the advice goes, I’m serious. It’s highly probable he won’t be able to withstand your death glare without fessing up, and before you know it, you’ll be knee deep in cries of, “It didn’t mean anything!” and “It was one time!”
However, if he tries to sell you on the faithful bit and you’re not buying it, sleuthing still might not solve your problems. The funny thing about cheaters is they’re usually actually more suspicious than the average guy. Because the cheater has the most insight into his own personality, and he’s, well, a cheater, his mind automatically assumes others would be prone to behave in the same way. Side effects can include: extreme jealousy, possessiveness and doing his own snooping around.
This also probably means he’s covered his tracks well – some classic paranoid measures include erasing his text inbox, not picking up calls from girls in front of you and not saving numbers as “blonde boobs bar.”
But back to the question at hand: Is reading through his phone crossing the line? Yes, it is, but so is cheating. Unless you’re one of those couples that know each other’s medical history and Facebook passwords, looking at someone’s text messages or recent calls is a grave violation of privacy.
Additionally, if you plan on implicating someone, you better make sure you have the right to be angry, and – more importantly – aren’t guilty yourself. If you’re going to accuse your boyfriend of cheating, you better make sure your hands are blood free.
So, we’ve decided snooping, whether or not immoral, is simply not worth it even from a selfish standpoint. Where does this leave you? Simply put, when you’re in a relationship, you have to be able to talk subjects to death. If you didn’t believe your boyfriend the first time you asked, you need to be able to communicate to him where your sleepless nights and nervous tics are coming from.
If you’re dating the kind of guy who you’ll never trust, do yourself a favor and before you get knocked down (or up): Ditch that sleazebag, evidence or not. Otherwise, if you are just pretending not to be the crazy and jealous type, suck it up or he’ll be the one doing the dumping.
Esti Frischling is a sophomore studio art major, so she literally has nothing better to do than answer your questions. She can be reached at estidbk@gmail.com.
