With the shift in temperature, everyone seems to be bundling up and hiding under layers. For the lazy fashionista in me, this means warm sweaters, tall boots and an endless opportunity to wear clothing of the lax variety (hello sweatpants). The weather change has even moved onto runways, as this new hobo-chic trend is coming into play with boisterous jackets, suffocating layers and trapeze styles big enough to host a three-ring circus. While some of these appear a bit less than foolish, one trend has particularly gotten under my skin, so much that I cringe every time I see faux pas. Ladies and gents, let me present to you leggings.
Now, leggings are not all evil. On the scale of Abigail Breslin to Britney Spears (the new Brit, not the Brit of school-girl outfits and Rolling Stone), leggings hit around a Keira Knightly: She’s in a couple good movies but is borderline annoying. The thing about leggings is that they must be handled very carefully. I admit I own a pair. They’re pretty shabby, nothing too exciting. However, as I bought them at Target that day, I knew my purchase came with a set of rules that were meant to be followed. Take a walk with me. I’ll break it down for you.
Ever seen a girl in a lecture hall decked out in “the uniform?” Sweatshirt, huge bag, sloppy ponytail and then … the leggings. Sometimes they’re black, other times gray. Solid, striped, polka-dotted or laced, they’re long and ready for style or a sprint (you never know in College Park). She smiles, she’s cute, but she’s committed a major fashion felony.
The great thing about leggings is that they are simply divine to lounge in. Even greater for a trip to the gym. If you feel like doing a series of splits or cartwheels, prepare to thoroughly own your terrain with a pair of leggings. As for your day-to-day routine, leggings become a little less than practical, as they emphasize nearly every crevice of your body. Some leggings suck things in and create a smooth yet sensual appearance. Those leggings are fine; those leggings are genius. However, the majority, usually hailing from Forever21, H&M, Urban Outfitters and the like, are for undergarment use only. That means you should not be traipsing about as if they were pants. They are not. For the girl with the muffin top: It is not wise to wear a tank top as if everything is OK. It is not. For the girl who thinks she is skinny enough to wear them with a tank or a “witty” message tee that says how cute, rich or slutty she is: It only seems to emphasize the latter as your entire butt is on display (crack in tow). Leggings stretch, they pull, they cover, but they do not protect. Beware of the subtle butt cheek and the infamous camel toe. To the unsuspecting viewer, these are not body parts he or she wishes to witness. The unsuspecting viewer is scarred.
As I confessed, I do own a pair of leggings, and sometimes, I bravely attempt to wear them outside of my abode. However, I do so with a couple of rules. First and foremost, wear a shirt long enough so the T&A is left for Thursday night rails and weekend regrets. It doesn’t matter how thin, toned or unshapely you are. You are not Lindsay Lohan, and even she knows she should cover her hoo-ha. Well, when she’s in pants anyway. Second: Leggings are great when it’s rainy or with calf-high boots. Again, make sure that booty is under control. There aren’t too many rules to follow; I’m just reaching out to womankind as a service and a plea. When you’ve seen one booty, you’ve seen far too many.
Aja Johnson is a senior communication major and can be reached at aemjohn@umd.edu.
