Another one bites the dust?

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I’m in a long distance relationship and my boyfriend (of over a year) who doesn’t live away at college. Instead he lives at home and works all the time. We live two COMPLETELY different lives and he gets very jealous when I go out and he sits at home. I love him and want to be with him, but I don’t know how to make this easier.

You say you want to be with him … but what does that really mean? He lives far away from you, leads a completely different life and is controlling when you try to have fun.

The real question here isn’t how you should make the relationship easier … it’s whether or not you should be in it in the first place.

I’ve seen so many people date someone, only to find themselves continuing the relationship out of convenience. It’s such a waste of time! You’re in college, which is one of the best times to date people and discover yourself. Yet you’re still stuck on someone from home who works all the time and sits alone at night?

It’s interesting how you specified the amount of time that you two have been dating. It kind of suggests that I’m right: You view this relationship as a year long and feel committed to him. It’s ironic, because you wanted me to know how long you’ve been dating so that I wouldn’t tell you to break up.

It sucks for you, but breaking up with him is exactly what you need to do — especially because you used the length of your relationship as part of your justification for staying with him.

You shouldn’t feel guilty for having fun with your friends. A secure boyfriend will be happy for you to go out, so that he can hang with his friends as well.

So get rid of insecure one-year-long boyfriend, go out and have fun.

Dear Noah,

I’ve never had this problem before, but I just started hooking up with this guy … and he’s great, but I can’t make him cum. I try to give him head, and he never finishes. So he never ends up finishing in front of me. This has happened several times. What do I do? This is making me feel inadequate, and it sucks.

Sincerely,

Can’t get him off

Your guy may not be capable of finishing from blow jobs … or maybe you just suck at giving them. If that’s the case, what are you going to do? Continue to feel bad about it?

The fact that he can’t cum from from blow jobs — whether it has to do with his own high level of sensitivity or your lack of skill — has probably affected him. He’s noticed that you keep trying to get him to finish, and that he can’t. You’re creating an artificial pressure that’s probably stopping him from being able to finish during any type of sex.

The first thing you should do to fix this is to focus on getting your own pleasure out of the hookup. As you force him to think about pleasuring you, he may begin to stop thinking about himself and his anxiety will decrease.

The next thing you need to do is to get him to masturbate. For some reason, people think masturbation shouldn’t be a component of intercourse. It mostly stems from the idea that someone who has to masturbate is doing so because his or her partner sucks at sex. But that’s not true: Some guys need to masturbate, especially with new sexual partners, until they’re comfortable enough to start orgasming from other things.

So set the tone. You masturbate while you give him head. Masturbate while he makes out with you or plays with your breasts. Show him that masturbation is more than just OK during sex, but that it’s hot too. If he doesn’t start to do it too, say something to him in a sexy way that gets him to do it. You can even lie and say that you think it’s hot to watch him do it.

As you make him more comfortable, it’ll help him be able to finish. The more time you spend together, the more exploration you’ll be able to do to figure out other ways you can get him off. But let him start with the method he’s been using for years, and then you can go from there.

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