Today’s Guest Column
The following is a comprehensive guide on how to be #based. Please be aware that becoming based is a life-changing process. After full transformation you will no longer have a pH level of 14.
First things first: Lil B, the rapper, is the realest. To become based, you must recognize and respect the one and only Lil B, the Based God. He is the creator of it all, the genius behind this revolutionary philosophy. How is Lil B swag to the maximum? You have to realize that before he was Based God, Lil B was just one of us. Like he once said, “When I was younger, I didn’t even know how to walk. I was so self-conscious.” It’s OK to be scared, insecure and doubtful. Just follow these steps carefully and soon you’ll possess the inherent ability to f*** your b****.
Based is a way of life. “Anything goes at any time,” as Lil B would say. The fundamental element of developing a based lifestyle is to focus on your mindset. Stop worrying so much! Be independent, so you live your own life. Most importantly, stay positive. No matter what, Lil B loves you.
Once you’ve cultivated the based mindset, focus on developing your own style. Draw inspiration from everyone and everything. Wear something you wouldn’t normally wear. Get a gold chain and grillz. If you’re thinking, “Oh man, I can’t get gold teeth,” Lil B has an answer for you: “Who is going to say that to you? We got love in our heart.” Don’t be thinking so hard. Throw on a bucket hat. Bring out that pink bandana.
Now it’s time to get familiar with the based community. Riff Raff is the man to look up to. When it comes to haters, all you have to do is “POST THE SAME ViDEO ON ViNE 500 TiMES TO REMiND THE HATERS WHY YOU GET TO SHiNE.” Lil Debbie out here straight flexing as well, saying “you don’t have to live a scum life to be … living ‘that life’..just be you.” The wise Soulja Boy advises, “Don’t give up on anything, especially if it’s something that makes you happy.” At the top of the list is Amanda Bynes, the epitome of based: “If I’m not into you as a person I don’t care what you say about me.”
“Be bilingual and go learn some slang!” Knowing Twitter lingo is the key to staying connected with the based community. Check out #girltime and give those based girls a retweet. When you’re feeling thankful, shout out Based God with a #TYBG (thank you, Based God). Sometimes you just got to keep it #3hunna or shed an #ArizonaTear.
Finally, eat that wonton soup.
Toni Zhang is a senior marketing and biology major. She can be reached at zhangt11@terpmail.umd.edu.
