Jess gets fired and goes “off the grid” — i.e., gets drunk and laid.
Warning: Article contains spoilers.
Last night New Girl returned to Fox in a delightfully quirky and messy two-episode premiere.
The first episode promised to be big, titled “Re-Launch,” after the party Schmidt plans to hold for himself in celebration of his newly cast-less penis. He hopes to “re-brand” himself at the party and thus invites all the ladies he knows, including Cece, whom he hasn’t spoken to in months.
Schmidt ropes Nick into bartending the affair, and Nick acquiesces, promising only manly drinks will be served.
Meanwhile, Jess faces troubles at work, where her very like-minded boss (she wears a sombrero during the episode) fires her. Jess returns home in a state of shock, confused about what this means for her.
Of course, Jess does what is expected and makes some quirky jokes about the event.
“My boobs are loving this unemployed thing,” she brags to Nick. “They don’t have to go to jail all day.”
Jess’s job loss proves for the perfect chance for Nick to be sweet – and he takes it, attempting to mourn by her side. Jess, of course, picks up on this strange behavior and begs Nick about a million times during the episode to “just be mean” to her.
The episode culminates at Schmidt’s “danger” themed party for himself. Jess convinces Schmidt to allow her to be a “shot girl” (alongside Parker Posey, who plays the real shot girl in this episode) arguing that she needs some source of income without her teaching job.
Jess’s efforts at the job, however, are rough to say the least. She shows up in a Modcloth-style dress and ends up tap dancing on the bar – a typical New Girl moment, to say the least.
Unsurprisingly, she can’t handle the gig and gets down from the bar saying, “I am a teacher, not a shot girl.” Reality sets in, and yet again, Nick shows up to say some sweet things.
During this mess, Cece shows up to the party with new – and incredibly awkward – boyfriend Robbie in tow. After she introduces Robbie to Schmidt, Schmidt becomes ultra-competitive, unable to understand why Cece chose this new guy over him.
Thus, he throws fire, literally. He lives up to the party’s danger theme by swinging around flaming ropes in a party performance that wouldn’t be out of place on My Super Sweet Sixteen.
Cece, thankfully, has some sweet words for Schmidt after this display of testosterone-fueled regret. “You’re gonna be fine,” she says, “Remember that.”
The episode wraps up on that note, and proves to be a decent beginning to season two. Jess and Nick are back to flirting, Schmidt puts even more money in the douchebag jar and Cece doles out some surprisingly good advice – what more could fans want?
After the awkward half-an-hour break for Fox’s new show, Ben and Kate, New Girl returned with episode two of the season, “Katie,” which proved to be more exciting and even a little sexier than its predecessor.
The show opens with Jess baking. She loves being unemployed, as it frees up time for all kinds of things, including drinking, which Nick suggests after he becomes sick of her arts and crafts.
And so, as per Nick’s suggestion, Jess goes “off the grid” for a bit. For Jess, this means meeting guys and getting laid, and she does so in a way only she knows how – awkwardly.
Unfortunately, any Nick-Jess sparks from last episode are put out when Jess asks Nick to get another barman’s number for her. Nick, however, is a bit preoccupied by a man who visits the bar and claims to be his future self.
While Nick is busy pestering future-Nick, Winston’s family comes to visit. His sister, Alicia, is not only a professional basketball player but incredibly attractive, so, of course, Schmidt decides he needs to sleep with her.
The episode’s major excitement begins in the bar, when Jess pretends to be a random guy named Sam’s OkCupid match – Katie. They end up having amazing sex, which Jess describes as “going to heaven.”
Just as Sam leaves in the morning, Jess receives a text from the first man from the bar, asking for a date. Jess freaks out and asks the guys for advice, because she has never juggled two men before.
And so, in order to handle these men, Jess becomes Katie, her newly-formed alter ego that can handle two men and a lot of sex.
Nothing can work out perfectly, though. Nick gave the wrong guy from the bar Jess’s number, and the man who shows up, also known as Bearclaw, is far from attractive. To make matters worse, Jess receives a text from Sam, asking to hook up.
So she pretends to be sick, and as soon as Bearclaw leaves, she heads to the bar’s bathroom, where Sam promises to be.
The episode reaches its high point when Bearclaw also ends up at the bar. He and his friend are using the bathroom when they hear a woman’s voice and decide they need to save her. And so, Bearclaw busts down the stall door, only to find Jess with another man.
An incredibly awkward situation ensues, worsened when Nick joins the bathroom party and helps Jess to explain the entire thing, including the fact that she pretended to be Katie.
Amidst all of this chaos, future-Nick walks in and says simply, “Nick, it’s time. Goodbye.” Before leaving, though, he advises his past self to make Jess a drink and apologize to her.
Nick obliges and yet again the two have a heart to heart. Jess promises to come “back on the grid.” However, the episode ends with a change in Jess, as she and Sam promise to have no-holds-barred sex with one another.
A new situation for New Girl promises to unfold in the next few episodes and we are left, yet again, waiting for the Nick and Jess romance to unfold. Oh, and as for Schmidt? Big shocker: his conquest is thwarted yet again.
Tid-bits:
-Best Schmidt Quotes: “Your sister is so hot that I’m gonna have to Shaq attack her.”
“Can you believe the zoo wouldn’t let me borrow their white tiger?”
“I’m like catnip to tough-talking African American women.”
-Parker Posey kills it as shot girl, ya big jerk.
-Bearclaw is pretty much the best character on the show so far. He wants to have ghost sex – need I say more?
-Nick’s best dance move is the cricket. He even impresses Sam with it.
-When it comes to picking from the lost and found, always choose the yo-yo over the tiny top hat.
-Who is Cece’s new boyfriend, and how long is it going to take her to dump him? This nice guy is going to finish last.
-“If you find my underwear, just keep it.”
-“Is there a sexy way to say I don’t feel hot after I eat cheese?
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