In response to the staff editorial about polarizing the rape issue (“Prevention vs. Blame,” Oct. 10), I would like to propose a dual plan that focuses both on situational prevention for the short term and on a major shift in attitude for the long term – starting now.
I do not underestimate the power of prevention. With respect to myself, I avoid getting close to males who habitually disrespect women. It may sound harsh to shun someone on the basis of, say, making jokes that could be construed as objectifying, but because 84 percent of sexual assaults are not perpetrated by strangers, I choose my company with care. I am aware of my surroundings, my alcohol tolerance and how my appearance is being received. I either walk at night with friends or walk alone confidently foaming at the mouth and snarling in a way clearly signifying that if hostile balls dare approach, I will tear them off in one fell swoop. In all seriousness, if you must walk home alone, perpetrators are less likely to target a woman with the air of a stalking lioness.
However, most rape victims are not assaulted while they are stumbling home alone through a dangerous neighborhood, insanely drunk, with their breasts dangling in plain view beneath a neon sign that says “EASY TARGET.” In the aftermath of an attack, victims often over-analyze the situation and find one action in particular that they failed to take. They delay reporting the crime because they feel they did not protect themselves adequately, and they fear being blamed by others besides themselves. It cannot be denied that backlash exists in our society. While only a despicable few would cheer for the rapist, there will always be ignorant people who will pipe up and criticize the victim for wearing a slinky red dress instead of a turtleneck and trousers or for not being a shining example of sobriety like everyone else or for being foolish enough to ever trust a man.
In my situation, I was sober and safe in bed. Good form. Unfortunately, my door had no lock. In addition to my desire to protect the perpetrator (remember: Most rapists are not strangers) and the characteristic shame accompanying sexual abuse, I kept my silence because if I had locked my door, perhaps it never would have happened.
My story differs from the college-age victim’s story because I was 10 and could not be expected to be nearly as responsible for myself as a young adult should be. I tried being responsible anyway. Instead of telling my parents what had happened, I asked them to put a lock on my door, pronto. They did not understand my urgency and inability to give a reason, but I was persistent enough that I got my lock. The nighttime visits stopped, but I had received two more while waiting to lock my door and blocking my memories as acts of protection.
It still wasn’t over. For seven years, I kept a secret. I struggled with deep insecurity until I got strong enough to quit denying the truth. I started telling my story and began to fill in his name without feeling shame. Eighteen months of intense, focused therapy later, I am more and more often able to experience trust and sexuality without his memory asserting itself in my head. It’s a wonderful change. After all, what victims strive for is to stop being victims by taking back their self-ownership.
I have not pressed charges because speaking of it in his presence still scares me into silence. But writing his initials on a T-shirt was something I could do last year, something that advanced me to the next challenge of healing: redirecting the blame to where it belongs.
We would all rather have rapists stuck behind locked doors than on the same side of the door as us. Awareness and precaution can certainly place women in the preferable statistical category, but perpetrators thrive on keeping attention away from their criminal actions and on what they perceive as the victims’ weaknesses. As long as the majority of our focus is on strengthening women’s defenses, perpetrators will have the space they need to strengthen their power to deflect blame. Silence protects them and gives them time to strike again.
Meanwhile, one in four of us could not successfully prevent being victimized for whatever reason. By all means, ladies, try your best to avoid sexual trauma – it’s no picnic – but prevention in the long run amounts to breaking silence. I am all for being responsible, but I can only take so much responsibility before I begin to blame myself.
Rebecca Ogle is a sophomore English and environmental science major. She can be reached at answer42@umd.edu.
