As Harry Potter and his friends have proved during the past ten years, living in the wizarding world is a fairly low-stress life. Go to a school for wizards and witches, learn spells, play Quidditch and occasionally defeat a world-renowned Dark wizard lord in combat. Piece of cake. Now a real challenge would be if Harry, Ron, Hermione and Co. would deal with going to school here.

Harry Potter

The namesake of the series would have it made as a Terp. He could fill his lust for fighting evil-doers in the Criminal Justice program, light it up at Byrd as a wide receiver on the football team and take an evening on the town by flying by Washington monuments on broomstick.

Hermione Granger

Two words: McKeldin Library. Though she wouldn’t see much else in her four years at this university, we’re sure Miss Granger would enjoy the quiet solitude of the stacks.

Ron Weasley

Coming from pureblood stock has it’s benefits, as Ron is more in tune with the goings-on of the wizarding world than either of his friends. He’s a clear fit for the hip cats over at WMUC.

Luna Lovegood

The daughter of Quibbler-publisher Xenophilius Lovegood, Luna would be a clear favorite for editor in chief of the Cow Nipple, as well as a star in the astronomy department.

Neville Longbottom

Though he’s struggled with anxiety attacks, Neville has a clear passion for flora. He would be a natural as a landscape design major, with a minor in plant sciences.

Fred and George Weasley

The resident class clowns at Hogwarts, the Weasley twins could open up their first American branch of Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes on Route 1. Riots after major sports events might never be the same after the introduction of Decoy Detonators and Puking Pastilles to the university.