The Siamese Slanket
When one hears the words “Siamese Slanket,” a variety of thoughts and images come to mind. Is it a mythical beast living in Thailand that feasts on naughty children? Is it a new breed of Siamese cat that has no legs and is forced to slither along the ground like a cat-snake hybrid? Is it a fun new exotic vegetable?
The real Siamese Slanket is none of these things. It is essentially an off-brand Snuggie that has a conjoined twin — a giant blanket with four arms. It’s the blanket to end all blankets, the Mona Lisa of the blanket community.
The Siamese Slanket was once advertised in SkyMall and presents the user with a world of possibility. Wondering how to get someone to go on a date with you? The Siamese Slanket is your saving grace. For example:
“Hey, Martha, I was wondering if you might want to come over Friday night. We can watch Ghostbusters in my new Siamese Slanket.”
Do you constantly think to yourself: “This regular blanket is nice, but I would much rather look like a two-headed blanket monster.” Well, the Siamese Slanket is the answer to your prayers!
According to the theslanket.com, the Siamese Slanket is “the only way to stop your partner stealing your Slanket on those chilly winter nights. At least now if they get to the sofa first you’ll no longer be left out in the cold.” That’s right, folks! Never again will your greedy, good-for-nothing partner hoard your sole blanket.
Trap someone in a Siamese Slanket with you and you’re instant friends! Wear the Siamese Slanket to the mall with your mom! And if you don’t have a friend to fill out the other two arms, just stick a broom next to you under your Siamese Slanket and pretend it’s a person. You really can’t go wrong!
