Junior classical languages and literatures and history major
Back in the day, long before my time at this university, I went to college in New York City. That place obviously attracts all kinds of people, one of whom was my first roommate, a fairly well-off musical theater student who had an obsession with Patti LuPone. He could have been way worse, and we certainly had some great times, but I’ll avoid using his name anyway.
This roommate, let’s call him Paxton, was all about bringing guys home. As I am neither agoraphobic nor homophobic, it was never really an issue because I was either gone or just unaffected by Paxton’s schedule.
Except for when I wasn’t.
On one particularly brutal night, he simply wouldn’t stop. I’m talking no bathroom or Gatorade breaks. Nothing. I slept on the kitchen floor that night, and I still don’t know how Paxton didn’t dehydrate.
But the worst sexile of them all was when he simply didn’t sexile me. No, Paxton just went ahead with the show while I was in the room.
Now, granted, I was asleep, and I’ve slept through New York traffic and small earthquakes before. But it is the knowledge that such canoodling happened without my knowledge, that I had once lay unconscious, unknowing, while some people got their freak on.
Frankly, I think I rather would have not known. But that is just not an option. Now I walk the earth, knowing too much and remembering nothing.
If I were to give some advice, I say don’t let either of the above scenarios happen. Should they become inevitable, however, send your roommate to the kitchen. They’ll hate you, but that tile floor is far better than the alternative.
Erik Shell is a junior classical languages and literatures and history major. He can be reached at eshelldbk@gmail.com.
For more coverage of sexiling at UMD, check out the latest Diamondback video.
