Attention social media users: Do your hobbies include long walks on the beach, excessive texting and binge-watching Netflix?

Yes, they do. I read your bio.

It’s practically an epidemic — the presence of the cutesy “about me” section meant to make the writer seem like the funniest person to ever grace the Internet.

Not sure what I mean? Here’s a gem from a writer at TotalSororityMove.com. “In her free time she enjoys scaring small children, judging her peers and condescendingly talking to GDIs at Starbucks.”

Listen, sweetheart. No one is impressed by the aforementioned activities. 

However, if you are at all intrigued by these quirky qualities, you can follow her on Twitter for more “cat memes and complaints.” 

Here’s another generic option: “Chipotle enthusiast.” As a general rule, anything that has to do with burritos is not a hobby — unless, say, you’ve invented the dessert burrito. Many people have perfected the ability to shove 1.5 pounds of rice, meat and beans down their throats. Please don’t brag about it.

But there’s one recurring “hobby” that seems to haunt every corner of the Web: binge-watching Netflix. Netflix is wonderful. There’s a reason why everyone younger than 30 years old either has a subscription or exclusively dates people who do.

That’s the problem. We all lie in bed for five hours straight to experience the pleasure that is letting our brains rot for an entire season’s worth of television. Yet on every virtual corner, there’s someone selling themselves as a Netflix connoisseur, proudly declaring binge-watching a respectable occupation.

The point of all these little tidbits is to be cute and funny, so maybe no one thinks they’re actually talents. But is the fact that you’re “constantly in search of food” really more interesting than your love of ice hockey, ability to make a killer cherry pie or aspiration to be on The Price is Right?

Not really.

There’s no problem with wanting to differentiate yourself — we all do. But the next time you’re faced with writing three sentences about your interests, stop to consider what really makes you unique. Even if it’s small, everyone has something they’re passionate about — and chances are, it’s not Chipotle. Promoting yourself through meaningless, overused “hobbies” doesn’t help anyone get to know you. And isn’t that the point of a bio?