How many chains? 2 CHAINZ

How many chains? 2 CHAINZ

How many chains? 2 CHAINZ

In 2011, an aging Tauheed Epps took a long, hard look at his stage name and came to the conclusion that things just weren’t working out. While Epps had found some success with the two misspelled words of his old title (Tity Boi), he knew his commercial growth depended on a more family-friendly moniker.

He needed something catchy. He needed something iconic. Most importantly, though, he needed something printable. So after what must have proven a lengthy and anguish-filled process, Epps stumbled on perfection, and 2 Chainz was introduced to the world.

Today marks the 36th birthday of the artist now forever known as 2 Chainz. Most commonly referred to by suburban adolescents in a mock southern drawl, the term “2 Chainz” has become something of an institution in the two-and-a-half years of its existence. He’s already recorded a No. 1 album in his debut, Based on a T.R.U. Story, and will very possibly have another with the release of his follow-up, B.O.A.T.S. 2# Metime, this week.

The world can’t get enough of the Georgia rapper — and here’s to ironically hoping that will never change. The way I see it, his best bet at longevity is to diversify. Rap is cool, but think how much cooler it would be to see 2 Chainz and Dave Matthews performing side by side in a dimly lit coffee house on the Lower East Side.

Genre be damned, these five artists are at the top of my list for a 2 Chainz collaboration within the next year.

Taylor Swift (feat. 2 Chainz)

In what would probably be the greatest stroke of artistic juxtaposition in the history of man, this track would ideally consist of Swift singing her normal relationship material with Mr. Chainz contradicting her positive description of the male character by simply stating something along the lines of, “She got a big booty so I call her Big Booty.”

Note: perfect for breakups.

Kenny G (feat. 2 Chainz)

Sure, Kenny G is a masterful musician, and sure, he could probably seduce the majority of the global population with just his saxophone and candlelight. But sometimes words are necessary for full artistic expression and 2 Chainz might be the supreme candidate for Kenny to properly verbalize his ideas. And if you think Kenny G has never considered himself to be “going so hard you’d think I mixed the Viagra with the soda,” you’re just kidding yourself.

One Direction (feat. 2 Chainz)

This latest meteorically successful boy band will most likely soon face the challenge that defeats nearly all of its ilk at some point or another: evolving into a credible band that appeals to more than sixth grade girls. Nothing would demonstrate the band’s growing maturity more than to join forces with the Chainz himself. In a perfect world, the track would be exquisitely titled, “Best Song Ever, part two.”

Nickelback (feat. 2 Chainz)

Despite Billboard magazine naming it the top group of the past decade; despite selling more than 50 million records worldwide; despite taking an endless amount of beautifully introspective pictures, Nickelback is one of the most widely hated bands in the world. Collaborating with a hip, edgy rapper like 2 Chainz would be ideal for this aging band looking to find critical success again. What do you mean you can’t imagine eight bars of 2 Chainz on “Photograph”?

The Rolling Stones (feat. 2 Chainz)

Call me a dreamer, but I can already see these legends going on tour together and participating in countless tour-bus-drug-bust standoffs. And while 2 Chainz isn’t quite the septuagenarian rocker Mick Jagger is, 36 is getting pretty old to be a controversial rapper. It may do him good in the long run to have aging musicians to relate to, especially if the Stones allow him access to the fountain of youth that has somehow kept Keith Richards alive.

Forty more years of 2 Chainz — you heard it here first.