After the roommates talk about their literal “first times,” Jess and Nick do it for their first time. Aw. Finally.
It’s rare that someone’s “first time” story is anything but awkward. So when an entire episode of New Girl focuses around the roommates’ tales of losing their virginity, both hilarity and awkwardness ensues, eventually leading to a night neither Jess nor Nick will forget.
When the topic of virginity comes up in the apartment, the roommates decide to compete for whose story is the strangest. And, as it always is true on New Girl, the stories can be a bit, well, ridiculous.
Cece tells her story lovingly – it was prom night, and she and Jess had rented a hotel room for the night. While Jess was awkwardly navigating her gender-equality obsessed date, Cece sat at the bar, complaining about the fact that she was still a virgin.
Lo and behold, Mick Jagger is also at the bar – and wants to deflower her. Her story, as far-fetched as it may seem, obviously takes the cake, but loses the competition between the roommates.
Winston says he, too, will lose the competition – his story is, apparently, beautiful. When it comes to these thing, though, Winston can be incredibly clueless. He lost his virginity to a “businesswoman” named Mysteria whom Nick’s father brought to him on a trip they took to New York City.
Yet when Nick reveals to Winston that Mysteria was a hooker, he loses it. He cannot fathom that the “best 10 seconds of his life” were given to him from a prostitute rather than a woman looking for romance.
Schmidt though believes he can top that. His story begins in his junior year of college – his fat years. He was still dating Elizabeth when he lost it. Schmidt purchased a huge tub of lube for the event and made sure his roommate, Nick, would leave the room.
But the thing is, Nick was high on mushrooms – too high to actually leave, because apparently, his arm was magnetized to the wall. Schmidt does not realize this and proceeds to attempt to make love to Elizabeth.
Covered in lube, Schmidt slips from the bed, just as Nick tries to escape from the room. The two scrabble on the floor while Elizabeth yells from Schmidt’s bunk that she wants to make love.
Jess thinks her story can win. It starts on prom night when she attempts to ditch her date. She finds another man, one who can play guitar, whom she wants to lose her virginity to. She is, however, thwarted by her date.
Flash forward to Jess and Cece in a bar. Jess is still a virgin. She looks around the bar, when her eyes finally land on the guitar boy from prom. Ready to lose it, Jess asks him to leave with her.
The two find a small toy castle in a park and begin to try to do it. He, however, cannot get it up, due to some antidepressants. As they try to switch positions, the two fall through the door – and get stuck.
When a fireman named Teddy comes in to rescue the two, Jess ditches her date and leaves the scene with Teddy, only to lose her v-card to him.
The stories end abruptly, as many of the roommates leave for dates with their significant others.
Left behind, Jess and Nick awkwardly try to talk as the topic of sex hangs heavy in the air. When Jess turns to leave, Nick stops her in the elevator, picks her up and proceeds to bring her back to the apartment.
The two finally seal the deal, and from the looks on their faces afterwards, one can only hope that the two continue to do so.
