Bears, beets, belated conclusions
Warning: Article contains spoilers.
It was the last first episode of The Office. Ever.
And, boy, have there been some memorable premieres along the way. Season 2’s “The Dundies.” “Gay Witch Hunt” in Season 3, where Michael tries (and succeeds) to kiss Oscar. “Fun Run” in Season 4, with the classic Michael line, “I can’t beat rabies.” “Weight Loss” in Season 5 when, in part two, Jim finally proposes to Pam in the pouring rain outside a gas station.
The ninth season’s premiere won’t make any best-of lists and the storyline felt a bit trite, but it was filled with energy and original humor unseen since Steve Carell left.
The cold open asserts that nope, Angela’s baby isn’t Dwight’s. It also hints that Jim’s got a potential gig with a college buddy setting up a sports marketing business, but that it requires a move to Philly which he can’t do because of his family.
But the cold open – and probably the best moment of the episode – is what I dub the “Fear the turtle” segment. Hilarity and confusion ensues when Kevin runs over a turtle in the parking lot and goes through the normal four step process we all go through when we break a turtle’s shell:
1) Glue the shell back together
2) Piece other odds and ends on the shell to remove its gaps
3) Break the shell again while reaching for more glue
4) Ultimately realize it’s dead
The plot of the episode is a mishmash of stale but funny plotlines: Andy comes back to the office as the eager manager from an outdoor retreat and sees Nellie – the former manager – and vows retaliation, saying that, “There are two things I’m passionate about: recycling and revenge.”
Kelly relocates with her boyfriend Ravi to Miami University –she thinks it’s Miami, Florida, but it’s really the college in Ohio (but perfectly timed with Mindy Kaling’s new television show The Mindy Project on FOX). Ryan mysteriously takes up a love for Southwest Ohio and we see a shot of him with his clothes in a garbage bag on the street.
Angela’s desperately trying to give her cat away and succeeds when Oscar agrees to buy it – only because he’s having an affair with Angela’s husband.
The heart of the episode revolves around Clark and Pete, new employees in their ‘20s who closely resemble Dwight and Jim, a quick nod to the show’s old age. Dwight embraces Clark, a.k.a. “Dwight Jr.,” as the son he doesn’t have, which quickly turns to an head-butting relationship after Clark asks to call some of Dwight’s clients.
In retaliation to his humiliation by Clark during a tightrope-walking contest, Dwight goes big: He builds a second tightrope that stretches across the parking lot. His vehicle is a bike with a printer as an anchor.
Dwight pedals across it but flips over halfway, dangling from handlebars as printer paper erupts from the printer and the office looks on, reminiscent of the episode in which Michael tries to jump off the roof onto a funhouse in Season 3, “Safety Training.” It’s still hilarious the second time around.
Jim tries to relate to Pete through sports but struggles, only to find later that Pete represents a younger version of himself with ambition and goals. Jim then laments that that piece of him is gone, and in a spur-of-the-moment action, calls his sports marketing partner to say that he’s in.
Tidbits:
–Best Jim face: Jim has made uncountable laugh-out-loud looks to the camera over the years, eyes piercing the camera hopelessly – generally after a particularly stupid Dwight line. But the premiere’s was lacking in classic Jim faces, save one – a rather depressing one with sad eyes as he realized that he’d done nothing with his life.
–Best Dwight lines: (about Clark trying to call his clients) “Yeah, there’s a shark hiding in that little cherub.”
–“What kind of farming are you into? Are you a fruit man or a root man?”
–Dunder-Mifflin blast from the past: Remember Season 3’s “A Benihana Christmas,” when Michael and Andy both bring Asian waitresses from Benihana back to the office Christmas party? Michael, trying to rebound from a girlfriend, can’t tell which one’s his date, so asks “Where’s my girl?” to the waitresses, gives “his girl” a hug and covertly marks her with a black marker.
raghavendran@umdbk.com
