Sophomore engineering and materials science major
What is love? Plenty of conflicting answers to that question are often thrown around. Love is blind; love is a give and take; there is no greater love than this; to lay down one’s life for a friend. During one of my materials science classes, I began to think of human interactions in relation to the different ways atoms bond together, and to my surprise, the comparison actually went fairly deep.
Ionic bonding consists of one atom taking another atom’s electron, which leads to a strong attraction between the two ions. Like the selfish atom that takes an electron without giving, many people see relationships only as a way to get what they want: All’s fair in love and war.
Tragically, those who believe love is blind can be abused by these individuals, because these people don’t see their abusers as they really are. The archetypal plot of the football captain or head cheerleader who plays on a nerd’s infatuation to get them to do his or her homework comes to mind. Or, for a more serious case, consider the guy who cheats on his wife with a woman who believes he will eventually get a divorce and marry her, while he really only wants sex. Both are examples of relationships based on one person extorting something from another — keeping them complacent through attraction.
Ionic bonding leads to materials like flower pots and dishes, which are difficult to break slowly, but when dropped can immediately shatter irreparably. Likewise, an inequitable relationship can be hard to break out of gradually. Yet when the victim finally realizes the abuser’s true nature, it is bound to end abruptly and unpleasantly.
Covalent bonds are formed when two atoms each share an electron with each other. Neither atom completely gives away their electron, and both get the advantage of having two electrons. “Give and take” relationships, from hookups to lab partners, are similar to this. Each party gives some and receives some in return, but holds back, not giving fully. They are mutually beneficial agreements, not true love.
Covalent bonds give rise to both plastics and diamonds. Like plastic, these relationships simply don’t feel completely real or authentic. Of course, if the giving and taking is equal and done with consent, these relationships are fair, but if there is no willingness to give more selflessly, then they come from hearts as hardened as diamond. Should spouses simply be business partners who both derive equal benefits from their marriage contract? Should we have friends simply because we both enjoy each other’s company? That is good, but not enough to form a truly authentic relationship.
Metals have an amazing type of bonding. Each atom releases its electrons to flow freely though the material, receiving nothing in return. Most of the truly inspiring people through history have lived only to give. Think of Medal of Honor recipients who laid on grenades to protect their fellow soldiers or of parents who work long, hard hours to give their children the opportunity of education. Think of Mother Teresa, who cared for the destitute. Or ultimately, Jesus, who willingly gave His life.
Selfless giving defines authentic relationships. Like metals, relationships based on mutual self-giving are tough, able to go through a lot of strain and stay together. While some rust might build up if one person becomes complacent, it can be wiped off. Even if an extreme trial tears the relationship apart, it can be welded. In the depths of our souls, we all desire this kind of relationship. Why accept anything less than this gold standard?
Matt Rice is a sophomore materials science and engineering major. He can be reached at rice@umdbk.com.
