College Park is cracking down on underage drinking. Suddenly, bars blacklight IDs and police are showing up uninvited at house parties. There’s plenty to complain about, but sometimes perspective is necessary. So I traveled eight hours to central Massachusetts, a realm unlike any other I’ve been to in my life.
Stop one: University of Massachusetts, aka UMass. It was a house party on a Friday night, so what could possibly go wrong? Well, apparently Friday nights aren’t too big up there. It’s more of a “Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday school,” I was told.
My apologies. Where would I get the idea Friday is a night worth looking forward to? Ignoring what I had just heard, my group of six from College Park proceeded to two house parties. Two houses with a combined nine people — that’s your Friday at UMass.
The natives had questionable IQs. “Dude,” one inebriated UMass student with a classic Boston accent yelled to me, sitting on a couch enjoying an adult beverage. “Did you guys call each other before you two went out tonight? You guys look like brothers!”
It turns out two buddies wearing button-down shirts practically makes you twins. Aside from completely distinct personalities, facial features and body frame, he was absolutely right.
With the locals as entertaining as the crowd at a retirement home and the party scene bumping as much as a Radiohead song, the bars seemed the most reasonable option.
Think again. Massachusetts bars close at 1 a.m., also known as the time some people leave for Cornerstone Grill and Loft. There were no words to describe the awe we felt when hit with that bomb. On to stop two — Assumption College and a night on the town in Worcester, Mass.
How’s this for a Saturday morning extravaganza: a bunch of dudes, clothed in the vibrant colors of the rainbow, enjoying cocktails — you know, the type with the umbrellas. With Hawaiian shirts, questionable facial hair or something Lady Gaga might wear at the MTV Awards, the Assumption men started their weekend … in their own style. Maybe it’s just not my cup of tea. However, there was something rewarding about getting yelled at by men in skirts for flaunting my Yankees jersey.
As night approached, the infamous Salty Dog Saloon was our destination. It’s a bar heralded for its lack of boundaries, cheap alcohol and unpredictability. It was Worcester’s Thirsty Turtle, supposedly. But it turned out to be so much more. A mechanical bull is the center of attention at the Dog. Ridden by students, natives and the always entertaining middle-aged women, all in attendance watch the bull riders fail miserably in their attempts at notoriety.
If that’s all central Massachusetts has to offer, the wretched smell in R.J. Bentley’s suddenly seems more appealing … especially on a Friday. College Park, at times, is nothing to write home about. But when it comes down to it, it’s the greatest mixture of nightlife a college town could offer.
Would Cornerstone turn off the lights at 1 a.m.? I don’t know, would blink-182 release a bad album? Does College Park have a reputation for taking it easy on Fridays? I don’t know, does Tyler Perry produce a bunch of hit sitcoms?
Do the students at this university sometimes confuse identical twins with two males, simply because both are wearing jeans and sneakers? The answer is no — we have academic standards that must be met before receiving acceptance letters.
Sorry UMass and Assumption College, but College Park, in my mind, is the quintessential college town. And it takes a lot more than 40-year-old women riding a mechanical bull to impress me.
Sam Spiegelman is a senior journalism major. He can be reached at spiegelman@umdbk.com.