Warning: The stunts performed in this movie are ridiculous, uninspiring, unintelligent and pretty much insulting to human progress – so much so that it pains me to recall them. So, for the love of all things sacred, enjoy this article because, if you dare check out this film, you won’t enjoy much else.
In the tradition of Speed 2, Legally Blonde 2 and every freaking The Land Before Time after the first, Jackass: Number Two is a perfect example of the sequel that never should have happened. Only Number Two is a little worse – it’s a sequel of a movie that never should have happened, and whose minuscule cinematic credibility was only the result of its novelty.
Number Two lacks that novelty, yet it still managed to fart, vomit and belch its way to the big screen. Big whoops, MTV, biiiig whoops.
How do Johnny Knoxville and his motley crew go Number Two? Their basic strategy is quite simple: Up the ante of the first, and throw in a couple newbies for shock value.
The result? More crap-going, ball-torturing, face-punching and upchucking, more pranks on Bam Margera’s poor, poor parents, more “gnarly” stunts on skateboards and enough “Dude” and “F-in’ awesome” to sufficiently mar your vocabulary. To give credit where it’s due, there are a few new tricks unevenly (and unskillfully) squished in-between.
Did you expect anything else from Steve-O and friends? It’s obvious their formula works: The Jackass and Viva la Bam empires, lasting three and five seasons respectively, harnessed cult followings in their days.
Jackass: The Movie made more than $22 million on this continent alone. Prepubescent boys will always exist and will always have a pining for the repulsive – and the Jackass gang will always know how to give it to them, no matter how repetitive and outright disgusting the results are for the rest of us.
New Number Two antics feature a herd of angry bulls, a rocket-propelled shopping cart, a “bad grandpa” who gives hard liquor and cigs to his grandkid, a “90-year-old naked lady” complete with (visible) sagging goodies, fishing with REAL live bait (hook through the cheek, anyone?) and a guy pretending to be a terrorist in a taxi cab. By the way, if that wasn’t outrageous enough, his costume’s complete with a beard made of the rest of the gang’s pubic hair – just for that cute finishing touch.
Though some of the above antics are slightly amusing, the film loses its edge when its core elements get repetitive. You can only watch a guy crap, fall on his ass or get charged by a bull so many times before it stops being funny – and starts getting insulting. Even more unfortunate, this happens in about the first half hour of the 90 minute debacle.
Perhaps the whole shebang wouldn’t be as bad if the aforementioned stunts and skits took any skill – at all. Though probably considering themselves (and being considered by some naive others) modern Knievels, the Jackass boys are nowhere near close to skilled stuntmen.
Forced to make up for their collective lack of skill, the boys resort to fickle and mindless attempts at humor that we could really do without. Jason “Wee Man” Acuña randomly runs naked across a meeting-room table; Steve-O defecates into a doll-house toilet; Knoxville runs around with synthetic “old-man balls” hanging way-too-far out of his way-too-short shorts for a solid five minutes. Trust me, that was way too long.
What do they look like as a result? A bunch of freaking jackasses (sorry, that was just TOO easy). What will you feel like if you watch them? Guess.
Regardless, if you’re like me, you’ll walk out of the film with an air of confidence and pride. You’re in college. Hopefully, you won’t have to roll down a mountain in a tire or get bit in the groin by a snake to make your millions.
Jackass: Number Two Verdict: 1.5 stars
Contact reporter Raquel Christie at christiedbk@gmail.com.
