Are you tired of reading the news sections of The Diamondback? Of course! Are you tired of facts and responsible reporting? We sure are. While our readers have been busy broadening their horizons and finding themselves this winter, we at Lite Fare have been hard at work digesting news stories and cutting them up into delectable little pieces devoid of any journalistic content.
We thought the Haiku, an ancient form of Japanese poetry used most commonly by American elementary school children, would do these stories the most justice.
Chris McCray
Cannot make the grade.
Well, no NBA but there’s
Always Israel.
Fall Tuition Increase
No matter funding,
Tuition goes up since poor
people don’t matter.
Ehrlich Budget
Budget explosion –
Guess Ehrlich wants to get a
win come November.
Duke Loss
Ouch. At least McCray
beats Redick from the foul line.
Oh wait, nevermind.
Police Arrests
Eight robbers nabbed since
January 1st. Were they
all getting donuts?
Bioengineering Donation
You know what we need?
Let’s buy a million boxes
of micropipettes.
Winter Weather
Global warming rocks!
Destroying the planet is
good for mild winters.
Travis Garrison
Yikes, what will we do
with a burdened Garrison?
Apparently, win.
School Starts
Yay, school is starting!
Can finally catch up on
sleep during lecture.
