“To the right, to the right, to the right, to the right/ To the left, to the left, to the left, to the left/
Now kick, now kick, now kick, now kick/ Now walk it by yourself, now walk it by yourself.”
The above instructions aren’t exactly difficult to follow — which is probably the reason that Cupid’s “Cupid Shuffle” has been a staple of every birthday party, pool party and birthday pool party since it was released in 2007.
But who knew then that compared to the hip-hop dances of 2016, it would be a work of pure genius.
Dance crazes are nothing new to hip-hop. After all, in a culture so deeply rooted in b-boying and break dancing, it’s no surprise that busting a move is an important skill to have. Classic dance records like DJ Casper’s “Cha Cha Slide” are so pervasive that they’re barely considered songs — just things that happen at bar mitzvahs, proms and your grandparents’ 50th anniversary party (maybe).
But in the past several years, something happened to the wonderful tradition of the hip-hop dance craze — it got a lot dumber.
Take, for example, Silentó’s “Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae),” the viral dance sensation that took 2015 by storm. Think the “Cupid Shuffle” was a simple dance? Well “Watch Me” has it beat — its chorus is just a combination of two pre-existing dance moves (and incredibly simple ones at that). And the verses are just as bad. Remember the “Stanky Legg?” And Soulja Boy’s superman move? With Silentó’s song and the corresponding instructional music video — which has been viewed almost 800 million times — you’ll never have to forget.
Speaking of Soulja Boy, his biggest hit to date, “Crank That (Soulja Boy),” is still damn near revolutionary as far as rap songs featuring dances go. Forgetting for a quick eternity that “Gangnam Style” was: A) considered a rap song by some and, B) ever a thing, “Crank That” might be the most popular true rap-dance of all time. And despite being released in 2007 by a 16-year-old, it still manages to demolish its modern competition as a dance track.
Soulja Boy spends his time on “Crank That” leaning, rocking, cranking, rolling and superman-ing (plus a little mimed fighting, just for fun). Compared to more modern rap-dances, like Bobby Shmurda’s “Shmoney dance,” 2 Milly’s “Milly Rock” and the infamous dab (made famous by Migos and Hillary Clinton) — it looks like a work of art created by a prodigious choreographer. Migos’ “Look at My Dab” doesn’t have much in the way of instruction — unless you consider Quavo’s hook of “Look at my dab, dab/ Look at my dab, bitch dab,” to be the modern equivalent of a Jane Fonda dance workout tape.
It actually makes sense that hip-hop dances are shorter and simpler today — after all, in 2007 no one was concerned about fitting their moves into a six-second Vine (What is the record for most dabs in one Vine, by the way?). Speed is the nature of Internet virality — something Soulja Boy was a pioneer of but didn’t fully understand. So the simpler the dance, the more of them you can cram into a Snapchat story.
Unfortunately, simpler isn’t always better — and once you’ve seen a single dab, you’ve seen a million (seriously). And while it’s hard to imagine these dance crazes getting complex — or even really going beyond the one-move groove they seem to be stuck in — maybe, just maybe, another modern prophet like Soulja Boy will inject a little creativity into hip-hop dances once again. Because if Cam Newton is still dabbing by next season, the world will be a very sad place.
