Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

I never fully understood that phrase until now. See, I spent my summer in Annapolis, which is a great place to be if you own a boat. Or love the water. But I’m a poor college student who can barely afford the textbooks that I’m not going to buy this semester. I don’t have the money for a boat.

And I’m allergic to water. So Annapolis offered me nothing.

I guess I spent my entire summer watching television with my mom. I’m talking The Real Housewives of New Jersey, The Real Housewives of Orange County, CSI: The Real Housewives — I watched them all. I also cried a lot this summer. And then I broke out in hives … because I’m allergic to water.

But I don’t need to throw myself a pity party anymore. My summer was rough, sure, but that’s all in the past. As of this issue, I’m finally back where I belong. Back where things make sense. Back home in College Park.

Huzzah.

This is my last year as an undergraduate and, thus, my last year living in College Park. So it’s high time I showed this place some love. Some real love. For the past three years, I’ve shown my love primarily through my alcoholism. But maybe it’s time to show my love in column form. Sound good? I’m doing this for my liver.

So, here it goes.

The thing I love most about College Park is how nothing ever changes. Sure, our university has a new president. And, yeah, the city has a new mayor. These things are true. But I’m really lazy. So let’s just pretend that nothing ever changes, OK? Great.

So anyway, I just love how nothing ever changes in this town. I’ll give you an example. A few days ago, I walked into Cornerstone Grill and Loft and saw an 11-year-old girl. Or maybe she was a freshman. Whatever. The point is, I saw an underage girl drinking at a bar on a school night. That’s vintage College Park.

You know what else is vintage College Park? A little something called crime. Nothing says, “This is a livable community,” quite like a community whose residents are always getting murdered. I actually got robbed at knifepoint my very first day here. Seriously. I’m not making this up. That’s why I always tell people this place can get under your skin. They just don’t realize that I’m being literal.

I love how there’s always something to do in College Park. Some of my favorite leisure activities include bar-hopping, drinking and tailgating. Other people prefer not to spend their free time drinking excessive amounts of alcohol. But those people don’t go to this school.  

Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. I said it at the beginning of this column, and now I’m saying it again because it wraps everything up nicely. College Park isn’t perfect. But it’s my home. My debauched, alcohol-addled home. And I’m glad to be back.

Say it with me now, kids: Huzzah.

Mike Sanders is a senior history major. He can be reached at sanders at umdbk dot com.