Dating is the s***. You never know what you like until you date people. I don’t mean full on relationships, I’m talking about dates. Going on dates and hanging out with someone for short periods at a time.
There are people I would love to go out with. There are people I’d even just like to make out with experimentally, because I want to see if there’s some sort of “thing” between us. But sometimes we convince ourselves we’re awkward on dates and this person couldn’t, and wouldn’t, ever be in a relationship with you, so “why even go?”
You highly doubt that you’re ever going to be in a relationship with this person before even trying it out? Nice. Slow claps for you.
Maybe he or she is a friend, whom you have a crush on, and you think “I shouldn’t ask (insert name here) out or make a move because it’d ruin our friendship.”
I hate that phrase. Ruin what friendship? You’re trying to go after this person, or at least have thought about it; your friendship ended once you said the words “I kinda like…” So you’ve become romantically interested in “someone you know.”
And I mean, honestly and realistically, you guys are probably not that close and they’d say yes. If they say no, alright, awesome, move on.
“Hey, you’re my friend, and I find you physically attractive, mentally stimulating and emotionally comforting. Let’s go on a date.”
This person probably already knows you have a small crush on him or her. And if he or she doesn’t, what a nice surprise!
I guess I’m a tad cynical when it comes to these things; I wouldn’t mind losing “friendships” with these potential romances over attempting to create a better relationship with him or her. I have a group of friends. They are my best dudes and my best gals. I’m just trying to find someone who I would feel comfortable bringing around and inserting into my life. I should put that on a card right?
“Hey, thanks for being cool enough to bring around and insert into my life … I feel so incredibly comfortable with you and you make me happier than anything or anyone I have ever been with and I want all of my loved ones to meet you and see how incredibly rad you are. Because I think you’re the raddest.”
I changed it to what I’d say to someone I future-dated.
Back to dating friends; I mean, obviously there are certain friends where the mutual understanding is that both of you have no attraction to the other. But there are certain acquaintances you endure sexually, knife-cuttingly and uncomfortably tense situations with and are all the while thinking to yourself, “Is ____ into me?”
Yes. Trust me. Or they’ve at least thought about it. So why not give it a shot?
“But it’ll be weird.”
OK then don’t do it, and sit there wondering whether you’d be dating him or her, if you had asked him or her out those many months ago, instead of the person he or she is currently with.
It’s only weird if you make it weird, you know? And it’s already weird. You don’t want to be his or her friend, you want to be his or her girl or boyfriend. So go out on the limb and say “let’s grab … ice cream.”
“I won’t know what to say on a date.”
Yeah, no one does. That’s the fun of dating. You have to interact and you have to be awkward. But if you go on a lot of dates, it just becomes this fun, awesome process of getting to know a bunch of different people and then either dating them or remembering that awesome or not so awesome time you spent with a stranger.
Think about the stories! Think about learning about what you do and don’t like in people!
I recently went on a date with a guy who had seven philosophical life rules. He was also a public speaker and had to condense full plays into ten minute performances and play each and every role in the production for his competitions. I met his friends and went to a cigar bar for his friend’s birthday. I met him on Tinder and rolled with it.
The dating app has a bad rep, or at least I think it does. For those who think Tinder is stupid, OK. But you’re wrong. And I hate you.
I don’t hate you. I just like quoting workaholics. Or think you’re wrong.
But on that same date I was asked the terrible, sweat inducing question of “How did you two meet?” by his friends. I swallowed, laughed and responded “Tinder.” It was embarrassing. I think most people are afraid to use it, to say “I met this person through Tinder.”
Actually, I think online dating is weird to most people, because obviously we all want to meet our soulmate organically, right?
“Oh, where’d you two meet?”
“Well, I dropped my coffee outside of a fair trade puppy rescue coffee shop and Gregory’s newly adopted cocker spaniel got off of his leash, came running over to me and knocked me down. Then, Greg picked me up off of the street, wiped off my dress with his handkerchief and said ‘Ruff day?’”
That happens. It also doesn’t happen. And you don’t have to marry this person you meet on a dating app or online, you’re just testing it out. You don’t have to have this amazing story for experimentation.
I think we all stress over this first meeting story. “I want it to be the most magical experience of my entire life.” It’s like a proposal or our wedding day. The first meeting is undoubtedly on the same level as those two in this pyramidal relationship … thing. It’s important. It’s something we’ve seen in movies and decided if it didn’t happen in our own lives, we’d be disappointed.
But as I’m getting older, I’m realizing that I don’t really care how I meet “the one.” I just want someone who’s cool, likes to laugh and doesn’t care that I wear slippers and a cat hat to most public venues.
Meet people. Date people. Just do it. These are your twenties. And you don’t want to regret not going on a date with some guy or girl you think is interesting. Could be Mr. or Mrs. later. Or it could be a cool person you hang out with for a couple months and then split. Either way, no experience is a bad experience. So go out and experience life.
