Couldn’t give up the glow of the beach for a day at an icky-sticky cinema? Unpaid internship leave you too broke to shell out the Bens for a blockbuster? (Flicks or food? Hard choice -— I understand.) Let Diversions tell you what to see.
Accepted
The Premise: What do “Taking a Walk and Thinking About Stuff” and “Blowing Shit Up With Your Mind?” have in common? No, they’re not classes soon to appear on Testudo (Say it with me: “Aw, damn!”). They’re courses found at the South Harmon Institute of Technology, a faux institute of higher education created by many-a-university-rejected Bartleby Gaines (Justin Long, Waiting). S.H.I.T. (Oh, did you miss the convenient abbreviation?) starts as just a name on a fake acceptance letter, then (naturally) progresses to a website, then a full-fledged campus. Then the S.H.I.T. really hits the fan: Hoity-toity neighboring school Harmon University decides it wants Gaines’ property for its own, threatening to expose South Harmon as the scammy slice it is and make Gaines’ life, well, a little Shittier.
The Plusses: It’s refreshing. The characters are flawed and adorable. The humor is sharp, not crude (well, besides the S.H.I.T. thing). And unlike most of its teen-comedy brethren, Accepted conveys a positive message: Education isn’t about where you go, it’s about what you learn (Aww!). Plus, Long is a natural in his first lead role, and always-agitated comedian Lewis Black makes a delightful run as dean.
The Pitfalls: The plot’s a bit formulaic (Animal House, anyone?), not to mention unrealistic. The final scenes of the movie dip into the preachy pool, especially during Gaines’ slightly upchuck-inspiring “Follow your heart” soliloquy to the Ohio State Board of Education (who, quite unrealistically, is quite swayed).
The Verdict: ***1/2 (out of four stars)
Snakes on a Plane
The Premise: SoaP’s plot isn’t hard to wrap your finger around: There exist many said snakes. On said plane. And Samuel L. Jackson must kill them. (Trust me – the details are irrelevant.)
The Plusses: It’s unabashedly ridiculous and over-the-top — an overly dramatic, overly gory, overly nonsensical, overly reptilian airborne adventure that, if nothing else, will shock you with its full-throttle, Hollywood-may-care ‘tude. And, hell, you get to see Big Sammy take out 500 pissed- off pythons with everything from a machete to hairspray and a Zippo, as well as witness an unsuspecting passenger take a bite to the tongue [Ouch.], the nipple [Ouch!] and the penis [Damn.] Where else are you going to get all that?
The Pitfalls: The “I’m a B-Movie and I’m Proud” ploy occasionally falters: The humor and plot are sometimes almost offensively predictable, and the graphics are often dangerously cheesy.
The Verdict: *** (out of four stars)
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
The Premise: Genuine genius Will Ferrell is back in the reel race as hick-on-a-stick Ricky Bobby, a NASCAR star with a macho mindset and a gnawing need for speed. Bobby’s catchy (albeit nonsensical) “If you’re not first, you’re last” mantra is easy to drive by until his vindictive manager decides Bobby’s No. 1-days are numbered. His dethroning weapon of choice? Ferociously flamboyant and fearlessly French racing phenom Jean Girard (Sacha Baron Cohen from Da Ali G Show), who (between macchiatos and “Vhricky Bubby’s” aplenty) knocks Bobby out of the world of winners. Can Bobby get himself in gear before he runs out of gas?
The Plusses: Let’s face it: The product of Ferrell and Cohen together in a film can’t be unfunny. Toss in John C. Reilly as Cal Naughton Jr., Ferrell’s racing buddy, and comedian Andy Richter (as Girard’s equally flamboyant husband Gregory) and the comedy writes itself. Witty cross-cultural conflicts between Bobby and Girard, multiple scenes with Ferrell running circles in his underpants and a heated dinner-table discussion on how he envisions Jesus (as a baby or as a member of Lynyrd Skynyrd?) are just some of the highlights.
The Pitfalls: The film’s last leg meanders mercilessly, making viewers pine for the finish line. Tertiary character development (i.e., that of Bobby’s parents) leaves a bit to be desired.
The Verdict: *** (out of four stars)
The Descent
The Premise: Six female spelunkers find themselves trapped in a ne’er-before-explored cave in Tennessee’s Appalachian Mountains. In their frantic attempts to get the hell out of there, they find themselves face-to-face with the terrors within the cave -— and within themselves.
The Plusses: It’s fast and furious. It’s chillingly claustrophobic. And, unlike its horror-movie brethren, The Descent is largely realistic and believable (well, disregarding the flesh-eating mutant thingies). It’s also got an admirable combination of character development and balls-out horror, giving you emotion and grit along with your ooze and gore (Yum!).
The Pitfalls: The special effects are a bit sloppy in places. (Note: If that’s the best I can think of, then that’s just more of an excuse for you to go see it. Now.)
The Verdict: **** (out of four stars)
World Trade Center
The Premise: Based on a true story, WTC follows the harrowing tale of John McLoughlin (Nicolas Cage, The Weather Man) and William Jimeno (Michael Pena, Crash), two Port Authority policemen trapped beneath the crushing rubble of the Twin Towers.
The Plusses: WTC avoids the political potholes characteristic of most terrorism commentaries, focusing its energies instead on capturing the fear, confusion and courage of the victims of the attack, their families and those who worked to save them. Its visual effects are simply stunning and often chillingly realistic (Watching the towers literally crumble atop the trapped victims is intense and unforgettable). Cage and Jimeno manage to be charismatic and anti-Hollywood in their roles as everyday men.
The Pitfalls: A few lines seem stuffed in the script simply to evoke tears – which, given the gravity of the event itself, is a bit insulting.
The Verdict: **** (out of four stars)
Contact reporter Raquel Christie at christiedbk@gmail.com.
