Ah, move-in day(s). Your parents have never hurt their backs so badly. You’ve never realized how little traction your shoes have (it’s OK, we’ve all had tile-floor disasters that result in carts permanently borrowing our appendages.) Your car’s four-ways have never been on for so long.

Four-ways, you ask? Let me explain: At this university, our administration and its underlying organizations — namely the beloved Department of Transportation Services — care so much about our students that they make everything as easy as possible. Scheduling is a breeze, graduating early or on time is possible and housing is a piece of cake. Which perhaps explains why I, a person blessed with gluten-sensitivity, have so many move-in complaints.

Move-in is no different. I mean, you’ve seen the hundreds of spots available to students during move-in, right? You’ve never had to ask someone — parents, friends, random strangers of questionable trustworthiness — to guard your car while racing up eight flights of stairs with back injury-inducing carts, right? The permits are super easy to get, and our campus is extremely simple to navigate. I’ve lived an hour from the campus most of my life, and it only takes about a half-hour phone call to help friends and family navigate the campus.

Back to the four-ways: First, my friends, you think hazard lights will save you from the $75 bombs left on your windshield should you dare park even an inch outside your assigned zone on the campus? The school makes it so easy to find parking and make your move-in totally painless — in the parking lot that serves Commons Buildings 1 and 2, for the hundreds of students who live in those two buildings alone, DOTS sees fit to offer four metered spaces for temporary use by residents. Of course, those meters seem to always be broken, but at least there are conveniently posted signs to explain that parking at broken meters is illegal. During move-in, the blessed DOTS-reserved move-in spaces number only two.

Don’t worry though, you’ve got those carts that come up to about your knees (give or take, I am the height of a small giraffe) to help you roll your belongings across the extremely smooth terrain of the lots, stairs, sidewalks and mudslides on the trek between the Commons buildings and Lot 19. In the meantime, your parents’/friends’/strangers’ cars will absolutely get ticketed every 15 minutes (on the minute) if the meter expires, because free visitor parking during move-in just wouldn’t make sense.

Now, I’m going to give you a rare opportunity: I’m going to actually be serious for just a moment (slow down and take it in).

We go to what is supposed to be one of the best universities in the country. How is it possible that, with a student population that’s apparently getting better every year, we are still treated horribly by our university? Move-in should not be this painful. In fact, it should not be painful at all (except for the moment when your little brother waves goodbye to head off to his own apartment, and you realize he is old enough to have an apartment, which seems ridiculous because you can only see him as the seven-year-old boy who crammed multiple spoons in his mouth when posing for pictures).

Let’s get it together, please.

Laura Frost is a junior government and politics and journalism major. She can be reached at frost@umdbk.com.