Looking for love in all the right places
When it comes to growing up, many of us are stuck worrying that life will not turn out as we expected it to. We are frightened that we will not be successful, that we will end up in a bad relationship or that we’ll just be generally unhappy.
For those of you worried about settling in love, I am here to calm your fears. As someone who has had this same fear, I can tell you now that the first step is figuring out exactly what you want in a relationship. This step may sound easy, but it is more challenging than you think.
Imagine the universe like a restaurant. When you first arrive, you sit and think about your order. Some people can sit at this table for years and never order one single thing, lost in the possibilities of the menu. Some people walk into the restaurant knowing exactly what they want. Others have to try a couple things before they can place their order with the server.
So my first challenge to you is to figure out what you want. For some of you, this is easy. For others you may have to date around. The truth behind this metaphor is that the universe can’t bring you your order if you have not placed it. Think about that for a minute. You need to tell the universe exactly what you want so it can bring it you.
My advice: Make a list of everything you have ever wanted in a person. I have done this list with many friends and it always brings clarity. You have no boundaries with this list either. If you want someone who is tall, put down tall. If you want a hipster who will read poetry to you at night, write it down. Make sure this list includes looks, personality traits and how you want to be treated in a relationship.
Sometimes we get so caught up in thinking we can’t have everything that we have ever wanted in this life. Well trust me, you can and you will if you let yourself.
The second step is to take this list and keep it somewhere where you will not loose it. This is the list. This person is exactly what you have always wanted. Do not settle for anything less than this list.
Third, take your fear of not being good enough to find someone like this and kill it. Society has this weird concept that women have to be 100 percent perfect to be desirable, but that’s just not true. Guys say so themselves. Some men are leg men, some guys are butt guys, some fellas like blondes and others like brunettes. Regardless, you will 100 percent find someone that will think the world about you because you will be his type and he will be yours. Not every guy has to think you’re perfect, it only takes one.
Fourth, just relax and live life normally until you meet someone. When you meet him, ask yourself if this guy truly matches what you said you wanted. Are you willing to compromise the hipster style you wanted for that of an athlete? If it’s something small, and his character is still what you wanted, then I say go for it.
What you will notice is that the guys you meet will slowly become closer and closer to what you want.
However, this is by far the hardest step. Why? Because you will end up breaking up with guys who are almost perfect for you and you will question whether ending it was right. Trust your instincts in this step. If a guy sucks at communicating, but you know you need someone who always responds to calls and texts, then know this guy isn’t for you. Never compromise on what you know you need in a relationship – this is CRUCIAL.
At the end of this process, you will meet someone that you are crazy about. I can promise you that. If you have not met someone great, then you are not done yet figuring out what you want.
Just remember to keep daydreaming and keep updating that list. Your list will change a little bit after every guy and you will be randomly tweaking it to fit exactly what you want and need out of a relationship. It may take some time, but at the end of the day, you will never have to settle in the land of love.
