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I really like using sex toys. I would love to use them in bed with my boyfriend, but he doesn’t want to. He’s watched me use a vibrator by myself but doesn’t want to incorporate it in sex. How can I convince him, or should I just leave it alone?
A lot of guys have a weird stigma against masturbation and sex toys, which seems to come from porn. Most straight porn is made by men and for men, meaning that there is almost no focus on pleasuring the woman.
Not all women can orgasm through sex, and yet they feel a pressure to pretend like they can. This is because men see women orgasm during sex in porn, and expect their partners to do the same.
It’s a bit of a tricky situation for you, as you don’t want to suggest that you need sex toys because your boyfriend is inadequate at pleasing you. If he feels inadequate, it could psych him out and lead to all kinds of issues in bed. However, you still need to bring it up. If you’re not satisfied with your sex life, then you won’t be happy with your relationship.
You need to bring this up with him, being careful to present it as an addition to your sex life, instead of a supplement to something that he’s unable to provide. Tell him you think it’s extremely hot for him to use sex toys on you. If he still resists, try to be fairly persistent and get him to at least try it.
If he absolutely refuses, and there’s no possibility of his agreeing to use sex toys, you should break up with him. There are plenty of guys out there who are willing to go out of their comfort zone in order to please their partners. You shouldn’t waste your time with a guy who isn’t willing to do that.
I have a feeling, though, that if you’re persistent enough he will listen to you and try it. He’s simply misinformed, and probably has a negative view of sex toys because of the porn he watches. Talk to him, get him to try it, and when he sees you going crazy, he will probably do it again.
I’m a freshmen, and I can’t seem to get a girlfriend. I’m extremely shy, and every time I start talking to a girl I like, I get too scared. How can I get my balls to drop and ask a girl out?
You need to focus on talking to girls instead of trying to ask them out. In college, things are way more casual than high school. The formalities of asking someone to be your girl friend are outweighed by casual dates and hanging out.
What I mean is that you shouldn’t be focused on asking a girl out when you’re talking to her. Instead, try to focus on just having fun with her and flirting a bit. If you keep thinking about the pressure of formally asking her on a date, you’ll just become more nervous.
You should also apply this casual attitude to your desire for a girlfriend in the first place. If you are constantly trying to find a girlfriend, you may have more trouble than if you were to relax and have fun. Confidence is a huge factor in attractiveness, and you won’t gain it by being nervous about finding someone.
Instead, if you try not to focus on it, you’ll be far better at seeming confident. When you talk to a girl you may want to date, focus on talking to her like she is your friend. Then, as you find yourself becoming less nervous, you can build flirtatious signals on top of your communication with her.
This approach also lets you avoid asking her out and possibly facing a harsh rejection. Instead, you can gauge how much she is flirting back with you. If she’s not interested, then you will have a new friend instead of an awkward rejection.
Take a deep breath, gain some confidence and stop focusing so much on trying to find a girlfriend. Become a little more casual, and you’ll find good results a whole lot more.