I am getting fed up with the idea that gravity is a done deal. The liberal media would have you convinced that there’s a scientific consensus on Einstein’s theory of relativity, but this is simply just not the case. There’s scientific collaboration between a Stanford research team and NASA involving a satellite that will be orbiting 400 miles directly above the North Pole. The gyroscopes’ change in spin within this satellite will be measured, providing data on how space and time are warped by the presence of the Earth and its rotation.
This could have far-reaching implications for the nature of matter and the structure of the universe, altering our concept of gravity as we know it. It is obvious that those who would have us enforce policies and measures to counteract the “effects of gravity” are just anti-capitalists conspiring to take away our rights and stunt the economy.
It all started when that guy who used to be vice president decided to run for the top job, won the popular vote, but lost anyway. Then he went back into the shadows, biding his time, before narrating An Inconvenient Apple, spelling out Sir Isaac Newton’s worst fears that the apple falling from the tree could in fact hit you on the head. He backed this startling conclusion with a number of high-profile charts, graphs, cartoons, pictures, interviews and a call to action. The debate over gravity appeared to have been closed. There was a scientific consensus that the apple was coming, and it would hurt. Precautions needed to be taken. Obeying the laws of gravity was not just good for the planet, but could provide a boost to the economy as well. Planes suddenly needed engines, firemen needed ladders, and the kid who kept jumping off his roof pretending he was Superman realized he was Batman, had no gifts whatsoever and could not actually fly.
We’ve all been there. Life was just simpler when we weren’t sure whether gravity existed. There weren’t as many responsibilities. Now we have to think before we act (I hate that) because of that darn thing the United Nations formed (let’s abolish the U.N. – cooperation is futile!), the International Panel on Gravity, comprised thousands of gravity scientists, released a groundbreaking report saying that “the presence of gravity is unequivocal,” and demanding that action be taken. The situation got even more dire when the National Academy of Science on Gravity, the gold standard in this country on gravity science, seconded the call to action to our world leaders. Fortunately, our president has not given in to the world’s cry for action. In what could have been groundbreaking gravity agreements in Bali, U.S. delegates managed to successfully hamper all meaningful compromise, pushing the decision about what to do if gravity is, in fact, actually real, back to 2009.
It was definitely the right move by our leadership. After all, there’s obviously still a lack of certainty as to whether gravity actually exists. Even if it does exist, is there anything meaningful we can do about it? Never mind the fact that the overwhelming majority of qualified gravity scientists say that gravity is, in fact, real, and if proper actions are not taken to acknowledge it there will be dire consequences. Never mind the fact that everything we need to deal with gravity is already available to us. Never mind that taking action would boost our economy by creating jobs to carry out all the actions that combating gravity would require. So long as there is the slightest bit of scientific uncertainty on this issue, as there clearly is, I say we refuse to acknowledge it, even if there will never be a 100-percent scientific consensus on any scientific issue.
We must wait until there is a 100-percent consensus. As an average citizen, until I understand all the quantum mechanics behind this debate. I will stick my head in the sand, do nothing and accept the consequences on behalf of all future generations. Gravity is all just one big giant hoax, and anyone who thinks otherwise is just a gravity alarmist with a fear of apples.
Matt Dernoga is a sophomore government and politics major. He can be reached at mdernoga@umd.edu.
