Senior English and criminology and criminal justice major

I sat in my cubicle at the Writing Center in Tawes Hall thinking that I had nothing to say about this Friday’s opinion package on the topic of “high school never ends.” Just as I convinced myself of this, I overheard a nearby tutor read aloud her pupil’s essay: “Females have been forced to focus on their physical appearance even as early as high school, which stunts their self-esteem at a young age.” And even though I was surrounded by evidence that I am succeeding in my professional writing journey, I was still considerably more concerned at the moment about whether my love handles are big enough to be considered muffin tops.

What hasn’t changed in the slightest since I was in high school is my self-esteem, and college might have made it even worse.

I couldn’t remember ever caring about my body or what I wore during the first three years of high school. I’m sure if you asked me what exercise was back then, I would have said it’s what the track kids do because they think they’re cool. If you asked me where I got my shirt from, I would have directed you to my mother. I couldn’t have cared less; it never occupied my mind. But during my senior year, that attitude changed. You weren’t popular if you didn’t straighten your hair or wear eyeliner. You weren’t cool if you didn’t have filtered photos of you and your best friends in bathing suits on Facebook. The fewer of those things I had, the worse I felt. But at graduation, I was confident that at a university with more than 26,000 undergraduate students, I could easily avoid that group of people who made me feel bad about myself.

But I was so wrong.

These 26,000 people are a daily reminder of things I don’t have and things I’m not doing. If you’re not wearing leggings and a sorority shirt, you aren’t “hot.” If you aren’t wearing five-inch heels and a crop top, you aren’t interesting at a party. If you’re not even at a party, you’re not interesting, period. The sheer magnitude of different people in college will show you how many different ways there are simply to be, and you’ll want the very best characteristics of each of these people. But that’s not possible, so you can just crawl back into your hole and finish your tub of ice cream.

It seems like high school self-esteem doesn’t change. And if it does, it gets worse.

Margaret Zelenski is a senior English and criminology and criminal justice major. She can be reached at mzelenskidbk@gmail.com.