If you haven’t noticed, Hollywood films geared toward children generally have some sort of animal involved, and more often than not, that animal just happens to be a cute, cuddly dog. Back in the day, Lassie set the standard for films like Air Bud (and its five or so sequels), Shiloh, Eight Below, Homeward Bound (1 and 2) and the best and brightest, Stephen King’s lovely Cujo.OK, so Cujo isn’t necessarily for children. But neither is Firehouse Dog – no one should have to see this monstrosity.Firehouse Dog shares the tale of a famous – and exceptionally vain – movie-star dog, Rexxx, who is dissatisfied with his career, despite hit films such as Jurassic Bark (stolen straight out of a Futurama episode) and The Fast and the Furriest. While in the middle of a stunt for a spy movie, the famed mutt dives out of an airplane without a parachute and lands in the middle of a conveniently placed tomato truck. Rexxx soon ends up in a small town with an expectedly lovable and diverse group of people and is unrecognizable to the public because his distinctive hairpiece is missing (another steal, this time from the somewhat-similar Jim Carrey film, The Majestic).I wish I were kidding about that hairpiece part, but I’m not.Rexxx – while wearing a collar with the name “Dewey” for his movie role – is taken in by Connor Fahey (Bruce Greenwood, Deja Vu), a firefighter captain, and his generic, skate-punk son Shane (Josh Hutcherson, Bridge to Terabithia). But as the family and firefighters begin to love the dog for his ability to save all (both the firehouse and the kid’s failing grades), Rexxx’s owner inevitably returns to reclaim him.So will Rexxx return to his life of fame or stay true blue? We all know how this one is going to end – it’s not like any of those other dog movies end this exact same way.Firehouse Dog was directed by Todd Holland (a big directing contributor to TV shows such as Malcolm in the Middle and Friends), and although this movie is far from best in show, it still manages to perk up at times.Nevertheless, the beginning of the movie is so heavily clichéd that it is difficult to draw the line between parody and the writer’s true intent: a family-friendly rescue-dog movie. Firehouse Dog forces the dog to do ridiculous tricks over and over again, shoving in CGI effects left and right and causing a ridiculously irritating viewing experience.The dog may have had some new tricks up its computer-generated sleeve, but it was the film’s old tricks that really appealed to the audience. Sometimes, it is easy for individuals to dismiss or even overlook the appeal of dogs – their unwavering loyalty and unquestioning friendship – but Firehouse Dog highlights the loving and caring nature that made man’s best friend, well, man’s best friend.Someday, a dog movie will be released that truly encapsulates the unforgettable experience of owning a dog, like Old Yeller or My Dog Skip. But Firehouse Dog is definitely not that movie, so if you have your own furry friend, stay home with him or her instead of trekking to the no-dogs-allowed cinemaplex for this film.Contact reporter Dave Smith at diversions@dbk.umd.edu.