Throwing our pundit hats into the ring of reckless speculation about vice presidential candidates, The Diamondback’s editorial staff has decided to analyze a few possible V.P. prospects for Sen. Barack Obama’s campaign. With John McCain having sealed the Republican nomination months ago, we figure he’s already had time to mull over his choices. And if the 24-hour news networks have taught us anything, it’s that any given idiot is not only qualified, but also encouraged, to analyze V.P. prospects.

Hillary Clinton

Pros: The down-home blue collar everywoman that she is (or at least has been for the last 15-or-so months), Clinton could help translate a lot of white lower-middle class primary votes for her into general election votes for Obama. Also, in case Obama is unable to answer a 3 a.m. phone call, Clinton would be all over it.

Cons: Just saying her name around most Republicans (and even some Democrats) is a pretty easy way to pick a fight. Short of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad or the ghost of Karl Marx, Clinton would be the V.P. most likely to bring Republican opposition out in droves.

Dennis Kucinich

Pros: While Kucinich may lean a little too far left for a lot of the American electorate, it’s worth noting that he probably has magical powers. Not only does he look like a tiny, mythical woodland creature, but he also managed to somehow find a hot wife in spite of such an appearance.

Cons: Come November, he’ll be pretty busy getting ready to help Rudolph save Christmas or working as an extra in the new Hobbit movie. The swing orc vote probably wouldn’t be too pleased, either.

Bambale Osby

Pros: Obviously the local favorite, an Obama-Osby ticket could produce the best campaign slogan ever: “O. O. It’s Magic!” It would also be the best 2-on-2 basketball ticket to ever run for election, narrowly edging out George H. W. Bush and Dan Quayle.

Cons: Osby’s lack of a dominant offensive post game and occasional lapses in decision-making would be critical flaws to bring on the campaign trail. And while he did lend an endorsement to Jonathan Sachs’ (successful) SGA campaign, he lacks name recognition on a national level.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Pros: Schwarzenegger has tremendous experience in a host of fields, including a background in the armed forces (Predator) as well as medicine (Junior) and a brief stint in education (Kindergarten Cop). He could also help bring the Kennedy family into the fold through his wife Maria Shriver

Cons: His lack of Hollywood employment since 2004 would lead to lots of tough questions about what he’s been doing for the past four years – seriously, why can’t this guy get a job? His poor dealings with the Middle East – we’ve all seen True Lies – would also be a detriment.

Jack Bauer

Pros: The ultimate workaholic, Bauer gets through every assignment in the span of just 24 hours. He never cracks under pressure, speaks several foreign languages and does his best work behind the scenes, a key skill for a prospective Veep.

Cons: Strained relations with China and the Middle East make his international background less than stellar. He also might be unavailable for the job, considering his pending trial on torture charges.

Al Gore

Pros: It’s a fact that no Democrat has served as president without Gore as V.P. since the 1970s. And it’s hard to argue with his credentials. When he wasn’t busy inventing the Internet, he won both a Nobel Peace Prize and, more impressively, an Academy Award.

Cons: Beyond overqualified for the job, Gore would actually overshadow Obama among the hippie-liberal crowd. Additionally, he’s put on a few pounds since leaving politics. And if the last eight years have taught us anything, it’s that The Penguin doesn’t need another term as V.P.

Bill O’Reilly

Pros: The ultimate surprise candidate, O’Reilly would make the Obama ticket more purple than Tinky Winky and would help counter McCain’s popularity in the “bitter, white males over 50” demographic. His candidacy might also take the teeth out of the Fox “News” coverage of the race.

Cons: It’s O’Reilly. Just to the right of Attila the Hun, O’Reilly is arguably the angriest man alive and would need a massive P.R. staff to spin his crazed comments on America. Also, an inability to cut your opponents’ mics during V.P. debates might complicate things.