Most columnists like to start their first column of the year by offering some sort of advice to incoming freshmen and returning students. Instead of offering you advice you could just as well read in The Complete Idiot’s Guide to College Survival, I decided to do my part to stimulate the economy by offering you some suggestions of practical items you can buy for your dorm or apartment.
Most people like to go back-to-school shopping at their local Walmart or Target. On my flight to Fort Lauderdale, Fla., I decided to go to a higher authority and check out Sky Mall, the handy guide to everything you’d ever need at 30,000 feet. You already overpay for housing, textbooks, tuition and food – why not overpay for everything else?
Because you live in either a dorm, apartment building or house with tons of other people, your mom probably told you to lock your door at night for safety’s sake. The “Door-Jamming Security Bar” takes this one step farther. Why worry about your resident assistant busting up your party when this security bar is guaranteed to keep him or her out? The security bar makes “a forced opening … virtually impossible.” Coming in at a safe $29.99, this item is a great addition for security-conscious freshmen or off-campus residents.
You know how everyone tells you to always wear sandals in the dorm shower? Along those lines, the less you touch in there, the better. A “Touch-Free Soap Dispenser,” coming in at a clean $34.99, offers the perfect solution. The item description says it best: “You wash your hands to get rid of germs and bacteria, so why risk touching a soap dispenser that sits out all day being touched by dirty hands?”
With the university’s recent crackdown on dining hall thefts, the days of stealing ice for your in-room beverages may finally be over. That’s why you need the next item: “Retro Ice Cube Maker.” While the $249.99 price may be a little too hot, just remember – with the hundreds of $6-an-hour jobs available on the campus, it should only take a few months to pay off that credit card bill.
Your parents may have told you to eat healthy and exercise, but we all know that’s a challenge at the dining hall. While the director of Dining Services may have changed, the food hasn’t; while the Campus Recreation Center’s name has changed, its location hasn’t. When the walk to the Eppley Recreation Center is just too far, this next item saves the day, or your scale. Coming in at a light $199.95, the “Foldaway 39 Exercise Gym” is perfect for the dorm student on the run. Weighing in at just 45 pounds, “this exercise gym easily folds to store under a bed or in a closet.”
On my descent toward Florida, I was still looking for one missing item: textbooks. Seems even Sky Mall had a hard time finding a way to charge more than the University Book Center for that history book you’ll never open. And I thought they had everything.
Joel Cohen is a junior government and politics major. He can be reached at jcohendbk@gmail.com
