That’s a wrap
It’s important to get this out of the way: A walk of shame is beautiful.
It’s a powerful demonstration of sexuality and strength, and should not breed any feelings of shame. That term was clearly assigned by judgmental people who aren’t getting any kind of action. College is all about whimsical experiences that don’t make sense or wouldn’t be acceptable in a real-life setting; walks of shame (and the activities preceding them) are no different. That being said, there are several places around this campus that are prime hot spots for these demonstrations of self-confidence:
Bagel Place — On Saturday mornings, Bagel Place turns into an emergency room and that giant, orange cooler of water on the counter becomes an IV. Throngs of people invade the restaurant, searching for carbohydrates and clamoring for hydration. Walk-of-shamers know there’s a journey ahead, and Bagel Place becomes a necessary pit stop if they ever want to make it back alive — while consuming something decent.
7-Eleven — Sometimes, the situation is far worse than you could have imagined. You wake up to find yourself depleted of nutrients and essential fluids. The only solution is 7-Eleven, where you’ll find a wide array of Powerade options — blue is best, obviously — as well as ibuprofen. Throw in a slice of cheese for good measure. It’s gotten to that point where you don’t feel like a human being, and 7-Eleven is always the solution when that feeling arises.
College Park Towers balconies — Heading up Knox Road, you’ll see the College Park Towers balconies on your left. This is probably the most ideal perch for walk-of-shame-watching, and I’m sure those lucky enough to have balconies facing Knox Road are aware of this. All of the Commons residents (which is a huge portion of the student population) must trek past Knox Towers and struggle up the treacherous hill to get back to their apartments — a test of endurance and personal strength when tired or hungover.
Route 1 McDonald’s — For those who are unfortunate enough to live at the University View or Varsity apartments, the walk home from downtown College Park heading down the bleak Route 1 sidewalk will be a definite low point. It’s bright outside; there are cars whizzing by and everyone is watching you. Then, just when you feel like you can no longer go on, you see a beautifully arched “M” in the most divine shade of mustard yellow: McDonald’s. Here, you’ll see many walk-of-shamers rewarding themselves. As they should.
North Campus Dining Hall — Freshmen walk-of-shamers have adjusted well and most likely have a solid group of friends. Last night’s hookup was probably just in another dorm five minutes away, so they’ll head to the dining hall and attack a buffalo chicken wrap like everyone else at 11 a.m.
College Park Metro — Here you’ll see those who abandoned their groups of friends at the club last night and went rogue, going back with a 20-something who has an apartment in the city — probably not the smartest or safest decision. Usually, they’ll ascend the Metro stairs the next morning, thankful to see another day and the 104 bus pulling up. Welcome back to College Park!
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