Chipotle Mexican Grill
One week after I wrote the blog “The official guide to perfect Chipotle etiquette,” I had a crazy night out and went home the morning after.
Some family cleansing, you know, necessary. I bought myself a breakfast for one at our local College Park IHOP and left the server a hefty tip because I know how much of a s— stain serving is. Then I got my hair cut by a man named Ian and headed home.
So I’m lying on my couch watching Charlie’s Angels, and I call Chipotle, warning them in advance that I was feeling sick and couldn’t make it in. It would be the first time I called out of my job.
“Hey, I just wanted to let you know that—”
“Hey Shea, we tried to call you earlier…”
“Oh shoot, I forgot to give you guys my updated number, what’s up?”
“We’re … going to have to … let you go.”
“Wait. What? What do you mean?”
“Well, corporate read that article that you wrote on Chipotle. They found it. And they didn’t like it one bit. They said it was disrespectful to our customers and that they didn’t want you to work for the company anymore.”
“Wait. Corporate? Wait, are you being serious?”
“Yeah. I don’t know what you wrote, but, we have to fire you. I’ll send your last check to your home address.”
“Uh. Uhm.” *nervous giggle* “O…K?”
“Alright. Bye Shea.”
——-So. In other news. Is anyone hiring? I’ll refrain from establishing etiquette rules at your establishment.
Sincerely,
Shea “the most desperate version of myself” Losepigler
