Peter Gene Hernandez probably introduced himself to you somewhere between 2009 and 2010.
He, alongside friends like Bobby Ray and Travie, was ubiquitous and invincible. During morning drives to work or school, Peter spoke of unequivocally beautiful women, a loyalty to love and the importance of Sunday rest. It’s been about six years since you met Peter, and in Pharrellian fashion, Father Time seemingly forgot to apply the aging agent to his jubilant aesthetic.
Under his more Hollywood-friendly moniker of Bruno Mars, Peter is back with his first studio album since 2012, 24K Magic. Shimmering as the title implies, 24K Magic is the impossible to ignore pop fix from Bruno we all secretly craved.
The album’s 9-track, 34 minute runtime appropriately begins with its smash single and titular song, “24K Magic.” On the second verse, Mars lets his audience know who he does it for.
“Second verse for the hustlas (hustlas), gangstas (gangstas), bad bitches and ya ugly ass friends,” croons Mars with a chuckle. “Can I preach? Can I preach? I gotta show ’em how a pimp get it in.”
He in fact gets it in quite well, and of the aforementioned groups that Bruno is reppin’, I believe I’m somewhere in between “hustla” and “ugly ass friends of bad bitches.”
With pinky rings aimed toward the moon, Mars proceeds to tell tales of his ideal hoop earring-clad female on “Chunky” and an ode to slick-backed style on “Perm”. On “That’s What I Like,” a sultry brag of refined preferences, Bruno hits his full stride.
“I’ll rent a beach house in Miami/ Wake up with no jammies,” boasts Mars before revealing his five-star meal. “Lobster tail for dinner, Julio serve that scampi.”
As Bruno’s described way of life would indicate, sex often accompanies the singer’s days. Luckily, for any of his listeners struggling romantically, Mars provides insight into his deal sealing line on “Versace on the Floor.”
“Let’s just kiss ’til we’re naked, baby,” suggests radio’s favorite sexual dynamo.
However, proven through the otherwise body-grooving “Straight Up and Down” (which is produced by a person named Shampoo Press and Curl), not every pick-up line sticks the landing.
“Girl I bet your momma named you good lookin,” inquires Mars, “‘Cause you sure look good to me.”
On “Calling all my Lovelies,” a possible recipient of Mars’ poorly-executed smoothness is indicated by the straight to voicemail message played towards the song’s end.
“Hi you’ve reached Halle Berry,” says the automated response. “Sorry I can’t get to the phone right now but if you leave your name and number, I’ll get right back to you.”
3/4 Shells
