Sept. 12 is coming quickly and bringing with it another decision in Maryland politics – the primary elections. Seats are open to new nominees in the Maryland General Assembly and the U.S. Congress, as well as those of mayors, sheriffs and comptrollers (whatever the hell they do).
But it is the race for the Democratic nomination for U.S. Senate that has triggered a revealing realization in me: Political campaigning is too much like dating.
Whoever wins the Democratic primary next week will run against presumed Republican nominee Lt. Gov. Michael Steele come Nov. 7. Unfortunately, it is nearly impossible to decide who would be the better candidate because of each one’s tendencies to gloss over realities to appear more desirable, as illustrated by last Thursday’s debate between U.S. Sen. Ben Cardin and Kweisi Mfume, the two front-runners according to several polls.
Rather than taking heavy jabs at each other to differentiate themselves, Cardin and Mfume were busy agreeing on every issue, as good moderates should, and boasting about their respective histories and glorious achievements.
It was about halfway through this festival of agreement when it became abundantly clear: The constituents take the role of the unassuming girl who is looking for a boy to take care of her and to love her; the candidates take the role of the boy who will do anything to go home with her – or, in this case, get a vote. Unfortunately, the candidates are only in it for the lay, but the constituents are naively expecting a relationship.
It all starts with a façade and too much Axe body spray. Think back to your history of first dates (as gruesome as that may be) … were you yourself? Embellishment is the key to that second date, and the candidates are completely aware of that. Needless to say, each time Cardin bragged about something he “got done” while in Congress, he was inflating his actual accomplishments.
Of course, the candidates play the field and do everything to appear moderate, hoping to satisfy the masses. After all, the more votes the more likely they’ll get laid – into elected office. This explains why Mfume and Cardin continually agreed on the issues brought up in the debate. The only person either candidate showed any disapproval of was President Bush.
More irritating than the pathetic clamor at appearing moderate is the blatant peacocking. Neither candidate actually answered any of the questions straightforwardly. Instead, they took the questions as invitations to flaunt their feathers with barely related, mind-numbing talk about their triumphs in life and politics. What holds true for dating holds true for campaigns: People love talking about themselves and, if you’re experienced, you know to take it with a bucket of salt.
Every answer was pregnant with pick-up lines (or slogans as they are so modestly called in politics) and rehearsed stories. I’m sure Mfume couldn’t count the number of times he has said, “It’s not how you start in life that counts – it’s how you finish.” It is no wonder the story was so perfectly executed with all the right gestures and thoughtful pauses during the debate.
Finally, and most detrimentally, there is a lack of candor about intentions. No one is willing to say they’re in it only for the lay. It would sound lewd to unashamedly disclaim it is the title and power that are the desirable qualities of being a U.S. senator, rather than the ability to help those who can’t help themselves.
In my opinion, Allan Lichtman, a candidate with meager support in the polls, was the most genuine contributor to the events last Thursday. In a slightly nutty display of passion for democracy, Lichtman protested the decision to only allow Cardin and Mfume to participate in the debate, excluding other noteworthy candidates. It’s a shame he’s the one valuable candidate who would be in it for the relationship the constituents deserve, but, like every overworked nerd with no luck with the ladies, he can’t seem to get their attention, not to mention their votes.
Anika Fontaine is a senior marketing major. She can be reached at amfontaine@gmail.com.
