So Valentine’s Day came and went and you didn’t get any flowers or chocolates. Here’s a tip: Covering your love handles with temporary Star Wars tattoos isn’t exactly a turn-on. Our favorite love-savvy newsmakers received some heartfelt valentines from secret admirers. Here’s a sample:
POLICE
Shall I compare thee to a riot?
Thou art more unjustifiably violent and rowdy.
Pepper spray and bullets do shake the night air, and students’ rights have all but disappeared. Sometimes, too, the horses and helicopters circle, and often are students injured or arrested.
But thy eternal power trip shall not fade, nor lose possession of that arrogance thou own’st.
CITY LANDLORDS
[Sung to the tune of Right Said Fred’s “I’m Too Sexy”]
We’re too sexy for inspections, too sexy for maintenance, so sexy it hurts.
And we’re too sexy for low rents, too sexy for low rents, leak-free roofs and safety.
We’re landlords, you know what we mean,
And we rip off students in our rentals,
Yeah, in our rentals, in our rentals, yeah,
We shake our little tush in our rentals.
PITA PIT
[Sung to the tune of Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On”]
Every night in my dreams,
I see sandwiches. I feel sandwiches.
That is how I know Pita Pit will go on.
Far across Route 1,
And potholes between us,
You came to show us another sandwich.
Near, far, wherever you are,
I believe College Park only eats sandwiches.
DUKE GUARD J.J. REDICK
Terrapins are red,
Dukies are blue,
Cameron Crazies are lame,
And your poems are too.
THEFACEBOOK.COM MEMBERS
LOL, WTF, ttyl, brb,
I love Facebook, as you can see.
Please add me ASAP as your friend,
And think of all the fun messages we’ll send!
I must get my friend total to more than 50,
So everyone will say I am really nifty.
Today I’ll think of you as my Facebook valentine,
Just click “Accept” and then you’ll be mine.
