Senior government and politics major

I feel the need to really make my mark on this school in a lasting way. Having just personal relationships will never quite cut it in this world, so I have to step up my game. For my penultimate column, I’m going to pick us a new sports rival, securing my spot in university history.

Let’s face it: This Duke thing is coming to an end. It was more than fun while it lasted — it was insane. But we’ll soon join the Big Ten conference, and we can’t wait around for nonconference play to cause excessive damage to the livable community of College Park.

Let’s face this, too: The Duke rivalry had its flaws. Staring us in the face is the fact that they don’t consider us an actual rival. Their apathy makes beating them even sweeter, but the one-sidedness is a little embarrassing overall. There is also the fact Duke’s basketball excellence overshadows everything else they do, so the rivalry is disproportionately focused on one sport. It’s sad to leave ACC basketball, but if this year’s NCAA men’s basketball tournament was any indication, the Big Ten is going to be fun.

Let’s pick someone we can hate all year. I recognize no team is so hateable in so many meaningful and arbitrary ways as the Duke Blue Devils. But we can hate anyone we set our minds to if we just ignore reality and collectively decide to do something for no reason.

Here are some options:

1. Rutgers: Like ourselves, the Scarlet Knights will be newly anointed Big Ten members within the next calendar year. Also, Jersey.

2. Penn State: Previously the easternmost member of the Big Ten, Penn State could be a fun team to crush in basketball and lose to in football. Plus, our program could always claim moral superiority.

3. Michigan State: A perennial contender, it’s fun to imagine hating on a decrepit Tom Izzo, still at the helm a decade down the road.

4. Wisconsin: I know as little about what to find in Wisconsin as anyone else, but if the mascots are any indication, there are badgers, cheese and packing plants. These people have to be passionate about their teams because there’s nothing else in the state.

5. Maryland: We tend to beat ourselves a lot anyway.

6. Michigan: Another team with great fans, a rivalry with the Terps could distract the Wolverine faithful from the crippling unemployment in their state.

7. Nebraska: The Cornhuskers are still fairly new to the conference, and let’s be honest, they seem like super boring rivals.

8. Ohio State: A school with a massive enrollment and a nut for a mascot. Players often emphasize the word “the” in “The Ohio State University,” as if there were anything else in Ohio.

Well, of the 13 possible rivals — including this university — we might choose in the Big Ten, here are eight. Lots of good options. My pick: Rutgers. It’s a no-brainer. The Big Ten needs a battle for the Eastern Seaboard, and we can provide just that. Also, plenty of Jersey Terps are here because they wanted to pick any school other than Rutgers. Let’s all channel that hate together. Say it with me: Futgers! Futgers!

Jake DeVirgiliis is a senior government and politics major. He can be reached at j.devirgiliis@gmail.com.