Love is in the air. With spring just around the corner, relationships are beginning to bloom, Jordanian style – especially at the University of Jordan. With 38,000 students (myself included), the University of Jordan may seem like an average size for a public American university, but here, it represents Jordan’s largest and most prestigious institute for higher learning. Because almost everyone commutes to JU, the university does not have a very strong campus identity, and it serves as a decent reflection of Jordanian society, especially with regard to male-female relationships.
Jordan is a traditional society; people tend to dress and think more conservatively. In this kind of society, male-female interaction is relatively limited. Because the national grade and high schools which most Jordanians attend are separated by sex, most people only begin to interact with the other sex at the university level. That being the case, most Jordanians don’t have platonic friendships with the opposite sex. In fact, the concept of a platonic relationship is widely dismissed and frowned upon. When a Jordanian guy and girl are seen gallivanting off by themselves, everyone notices, and you can bet that they’re trying to find a private spot to talk so their families don’t start asking questions. Not a day goes by when I don’t question whether I’m reliving high school.
Male-female relationships are largely understood and accepted in one context only: marriage. The family is a central pillar of Arab society. Because this culture is focused on the community instead of the individual, marriage is not seen as the union of two separate individuals, but rather as the merging of two families. Therefore, marriage is taken very seriously. Most young adults find their significant others through a traditional Arab marriage, though the degree of tradition can vary between families and villages. (If you’ve ever seen Fiddler on the Roof, think of the character Yenta. It’s kind of like that.) Depending on the situation, the young woman’s parents meet with an interested suitor and close members of his family or friends. If both sides are pleased, the process may continue. If all goes well, an engagement is announced. There are many cases in which the bride and the groom never meet before the engagement. During the engagement process the bride and groom actually meet and spend time together – though still in the company of others. They will eventually marry and begin their new lives together.
Still, the experience is not as cookie-cutter as it may seem to be. I recently attended a discussion on traditional marriages in the Jordanian context. During the discussion, two young women got in a heated talk about what they thought was more important when choosing a husband for marriage – family approval or real love. One girl wore a hijab, a religious head covering, but was also wearing western clothing. The other girl was wearing the niqab, a garment that covers all skin, leaving only the eyes visible. I expected the modernly dressed girl would argue for love – understanding freedom of individual choice as something inherently western and seeing the collective decision of a family as a stronger part of a more conservative Arab culture. In fact, the girl wearing the niqab argued that love should be the deciding factor. I guess the old saying is true – love works in mysterious ways.
Ari Gore is a junior government and politics major. He can be reached at
arigore@gmail.com.
