Senior English major
Dear Ke$ha,
I hope this letter finds you well. Have you showered recently? I doubt it. You should probably do that. What’s with that grungy look of yours, anyway? You look like you’ve spent your whole life trying to land Mugatu’s “Derelicte” campaign.
The reason I am writing is because recently, I heard your single “Die Young” at my favorite college bar — among your key demographics — and the lyrics compelled me to share my analysis with you. On the surface, this fizzy pop tune is a catchy beat laced with words that romanticize the age-old notion: “Carpe diem.”
But when I dug deeper, did the “seize the day” philosophy really hold up? Let’s find out!
I hear your heart beat to the beat of the drums
How romantic! But wait, what tempo are we talking here? Is it a syncopated drum beat? Because that would constitute an irregular heartbeat, and you should probably take him to a doctor.
Oh what a shame that you came here with someone
Darn! He’s taken. Well, I guess there’s plenty of fish in the sea.
So while you’re here in my arms
Wait a minute. I thought he was taken? Homewrecker! This song isn’t just about seizing the day, is it?
Let’s make the most of the night like we’re gonna die young
That’s a bit extreme, like a hyperbolic simile. I certainly hope you don’t die young, that would be a tragedy.
We’re gonna die young
Hey! You really shouldn’t say that. What a terrible thought.
We’re gonna die young
OK, I mean it this time!
Young hearts, out our minds
Runnin’ like we outta time
What do you mean out your minds? Are you on drugs? And who or what are you running from? I think the drugs you are on are making you paranoid.
Wild childs, lookin’ good
Livin’ hard just like we should
The plural form of “child” is “children.” Though I guess I’m the idiot for thinking someone who spells her name with a dollar sign would know this. And I’m glad you think you look good, because that’s what’s really important; but I still think some shampoo and conditioner would definitely go a long way. Also, life isn’t supposed to be difficult, you’re supposed to enjoy it.
Don’t care who’s watching when we tearing it up
That magic that we got nobody can touch
Tearing what up? What magic? Are you talking about drugs again?
Young hunks, taking shots
Stripping down to dirty socks
Young hunks have been known to take shots and strip down to their socks. I only hope, for your sake, that one sock was made of latex and wrapped tightly around his pecker.
Music up, gettin’ hot
Kiss me, give me all you’ve got
It’s pretty obvious that you’ve got a crush
That magic in your pants, it’s making me blush
No comment.
We’re gonna die young
I don’t care anymore.
Thank you, Ke$ha. In one fell swoop of a Top 10 hit, you assassinated the romance of seizing the day while giving ample time and place for college kids around the country to scream or sing (they sing, you don’t) their desire to metaphorically die young.
“Gonna die young” isn’t “Gather ye rosebuds,” it’s a bastardization of the carpe diem philosophy through which “seize the day” translates to doing whatever you want — drugs, adultery, anything but the education your parents bought — despite anyone else. It’s an anthem for the selfish youth who are today’s generation. It’s smoke and mirrors backed by a sick beat, meant to trick tomorrow’s paper-pushers into accepting a lifetime of subjugation by believing the depressing lie that college is the “best four years of your life.” Thanks again!
Drew Farrell is a senior English major. He can be reached at dfarrell@terpmail.umd.edu.
