Olivia Munn plays a stripper. It is still more dignified than her role on The Newsroom.
New Girl frequently relies on a sense of controlled chaos. However, this week’s episode seemed to be even more chaotic than usual, and it all began with a bathtub.
Through the roof
The episode opens with a valiant effort from Jess to convince the roommates that the loft needs a bathtub, complete with bubbles and roses. However, the boys are not impressed — or so it seems at first.
Winston, though, has a secret desire for a bathtub of his own — he owned one during his basketball-star days in Latvia and has had a hankering for one ever since. He corners Jess while at the bar and explains his secret desire and that it cannot get out to the rest of the roommates. So, the two concoct a plan to buy a tub, hide it on the roof and eventually sneak it into the house.
Like all of Jess’s great plans, however, it goes awry. The tub the two purchase isn’t exactly stable, and once the two fill it full of water, it breaks, smashing through the roof and directly onto Schmidt’s pristine suit collection.
And so, instead of apologizing to Schmidt as sane people would, the two decide to hire a man to patch the roof, then to pretend that someone broke in, in order to collect the insurance money for Schmidt’s suits.
What follows is a thoroughly funny imitation of meth addicts on both Jess and Winston’s parts — the two pretend to “rob” the house as they talk in raspy voices and determine what meth addicts would actually steal from them. When Schmidt returns to find the mess left behind by the “robbers,” he is infuriated. Thankfully, though, he announces that he has a security camera, so he can watch the footage and catch the perpetrators.
This sends Winston into a bona fide panic attack, complete with stripping down to his briefs (yes, he’s a briefs guy) and running away. “The willies” as Winston calls it, have taken over, just like they did when he took his first drivers’ test. Jess, though, knows it’s a simple panic attack. In order to comfort Winston, Jess faces her own fears of claustrophobia by closing herself in a closet, the door of which gets stuck, causing the two to call the creepy repairman up again.
After all this, Winston thanks Jess for her help in his self-realization that he is normal. The two decide to have Schmidt’s suits dry cleaned, and pretend that the meth addicts returned them after finding no use for them. Ridiculous, yes, but this storyline allows for some Jess-Winston bonding that audiences have yet to really see on the show.
Fell in love with a stripper
Meanwhile, at the bar, Nick has a crush on a girl whom he simply calls Thirsty. A day drinker who likes whiskey as much as he does, Thirsty appears to be the perfect girl for Nick. One problem though: Nick is too afraid to cross the 18 inches of bar and talk to her.
Eventually, after some goading on Jess’s part, Nick gets up the courage to awkwardly offer to drink with her. Thirsty’s name, as Nick finds out, is Angie. The two get shit-faced in the middle of the day and start talking about relationships. When Nick hears that she is dating a pretty bad guy, he suggests she break up with him.
The day after their exchange, Angie’s boyfriend comes into the bar, out for blood. A seedy, tattooed guy, he seems tough and attempts to attack Nick for stealing his girlfriend. Angie, though, is too fast for this — she hits him over the head with a napkin dispenser and knocks him unconscious.
Angie suggests taking him to her workplace in order to have the injury stitched up, and Nick, of course, is apt to assist her. Expecting to roll into a hospital or even a shady medical clinic, Nick is surprised when he finds himself and Angie in a strip club, where the janitor, apparently, is in charge of fixing up injuries like this. Appalled at first, Nick attempts to justify Angie’s job, only to find that she is a legitimate stripper. As he realizes this, Angie and another stripper start fighting over her ex, putting Nick in the middle of the chaos and forcing him to wonder why he left the bar in the first place.
Nick resolutely returns to work after the scuffle, ready to redeem himself and never leave again. However, Angie returns, with an apology. She asks to hang out, and after some groveling on her part, Nick agrees. The episode ends in a kiss from the two, and the promise of a new girlfriend for Nick.
Schmidt and Cece
After Schmidt realized in the last episode that he’s in love with Cece, he determines he needs to tell her how he feels. The time is right: He is about to get a promotion at work (partially because he has “slept his way to the top”), Cece is finally ready to settle down and have children and, most importantly, she has finally broken up with Robbie.
However, Schmidt’s suit collection has been destroyed, so he is left with a “summer suit” that, strangely enough, has a lightening bolt on the back. Schmidt’s attempts to woo Cece involve a pigeon in a box (he could not find a dove on the city streets) and an admission of love that Cece at first rolls her eyes at.
However, when she sees the admission is in earnest, Cece decides to give Schmidt a second chance and invites him for dinner the next day.
Unfortunately, though, in an attempt to nail the marketing campaign, Schmidt is goaded into day drinking the product, Double V (vodka with vitamins) with his former lover and current boss, Emma. While nothing happens between the two, Schmidt shows up for dinner late and drunk, much to Cece’s dismay.
While she allows him into her apartment, and even believes that he did nothing with Emma, Cece realizes that Schmidt may not be the proper husband for her. And so, without much hesitation, she calls her mother and leaves a message, saying she is ready to be set up with an Indian man, much to Schmidt’s — and the audience’s — dismay.
Tidbits:
–The first rule of bartending: never cross the bar.
–Vodka with vitamins can only lead to trouble, especially in the workplace.
–Best Schmidt-isms:
-“Bathtubs are medieval disease caldrons”
-“I’m a man with feelings…that I’d like to explode in you.”
-“Everybody hates the Jews…I’ll convert to Indianism.”
-(Discussing Cece’s hair) “I’d eat it out of a bowl.”
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