The next drunk stranger who walks up to me in a bar and asks if I’m running against Student Government Association President Steve Glickman again gets a cheap domestic beer poured on his or her head. OK, maybe that’s a little harsh, but the only thing more shameful than losing to a guy whose intelligence was unfavorably compared to that of a beach ball on the cover of this paper — albeit on April Fools’ Day — is being associated with an organization I would be happy to see crumble into dust.
It’s that time of year again when, like a reverse daffodil, SGA elections pop up to make life just a bit less pleasant. The fact that I’m still writing a column means I have declined to work on a campaign this season. This isn’t because I don’t like anyone running; like last year, there will be one ticket composed mostly of university activists, many of whom are my close friends. I don’t think I can make endorsements, but it shouldn’t be hard for my loyal readers to guess who I’ll be voting for later this month. That is, if I vote.
In 1985, students at this university ran an SGA campaign under the name The Monarchy Party. While promising nothing but hilarity and a beer moat — one slogan was “Both the SGA and the Monarchist Party are jokes, but one of them isn’t funny” — Monarchist candidate “King Tom II” became the first SGA president at this university re-elected to a second term. The campaign made the mockery of student government (and government in general) into a platform, and it happened to resonate very well with students. I think there’s a large number of students today who would be happy to vote for a party that didn’t take itself or the SGA seriously.
There’s a joke among some of us former members of the Student Power Party that we probably would have won if we had run as Students for Pot and Porn, but I’m not so sure it’s not true. Most students barely know the SGA exists, and for most of those who do, it’s still the same unfunny joke. This year, all three campaigns will be running in earnest, leaving voters the choice between a few punch lines, none of which are funny.
At the same time, the idea that there’s no difference between the parties is wrong. Structural problems don’t mean that the well-intentioned can’t run too; it just means they can’t do much, even if they do win. It seems almost mean to vote for my friends, since the winner gets a painful, time-consuming and unpaid job. Voting for a member of the activist community seems counter-productive. “Off the streets, into the committee meeting!” is not a very compelling chant, and if the university community never wants to see student organizers again, the best bet might be electing them to the self-important bureaucratic Hades that is the SGA.
But there is no way in hell I’m voting for any state-legislator wannabe who thinks wearing a suit makes you “professional” and that the SGA holds any sort of legitimate representational authority. While stuck with these choices, I wish I could vote for someone who would say what we all know: Student government is a joke and should be treated as such. Where’s the king when you need him?
Malcolm Harris is a senior English and government and politics major. He can be reached at harris at umdbk dot com.
