Junior psychology major
My boyfriend and I have been dating for five months. Before me, he had never gone all the way. How can I convince him to practice so we can have a more fulfilling sex life?
The idea of “going all the way” can make anyone feel anxious. Everyone who has already done it remembers his or her first time, and the rest are still nervously waiting for theirs. Either way, it’s a scary experience. You hear about other people who regret going all the way with someone for whom they didn’t have feelings, and others who feel they waited far too long to explore their sexuality. How do you know when the time is right? Are you going to end up getting hurt?
Your boyfriend is probably scared that he won’t be good enough in bed and that you’ll be less attracted to him because of it. How do you respond to those fears? Turn them into an opportunity. Tell him you think it’s cute that he’s new at this, and that you’re excited to teach him what you know. He is already sexy in your eyes — make him understand that you want to do this with him, and not anyone else, because of who he is. Confidence is often the best aphrodisiac.
All of us want to be good enough for our partners to enjoy sex. That’s why people believe their partners enjoy a sexual encounter more than they do. We’re hoping that we’re meeting the needs of our partners. In reality, none of us are as good as we think we are. The only way we can judge is by responding to the feedback our partners give us.
The more communication and positive feedback you have with your boyfriend, the more comfortable you can make him. With his comfort will come confidence, which is the key ingredient that will lead both of you to love your sex lives.
I’m a male who’s currently single and wondering when I’ll be able to get a girlfriend. I am worried that if I develop a friendship with girls, that’s all they will be interested in, due to my average looks. I would like to join clubs and groups to meet girls, but my mom seems to think it’s a waste of money and that I should concentrate on finding a job, which is all I’ve ever done. How do I get girls to be genuinely interested in me for who I am rather than just friendship?
Many factors go into our desire to be happy. Some of us believe that money will buy us happiness, while others think a relationship is the key. In reality, a combination of factors make us happy. Maybe you’ve been focused on pleasing your parents and getting a job as your way of achieving happiness, but you’re feeling a void in your life and want an intimate relationship.
Being single, for you, is frustrating. You are looking for a partner, but it always seems to result in another friendship. As this continues to happen, your confidence in being able to get a girlfriend gradually diminishes. Now, you are also worried about becoming friends with women, as you believe it closes your path to an intimate relationship.
You say you are worried about too many friendships with women, but really, your problem is the opposite: You are viewing all women as potential intimate partners. It would be better to put your search for a girlfriend on hold. Have fun with your friends, whether they are men or women. Develop relationships and be yourself. Gain a sense of confidence and your insecurity about being alone will become less prominent in your interactions with women. This will cause you to appear more attractive, which will lead to an eventual intimate relationship. It’s ironic, but feeling like you don’t need a girlfriend is probably the best way to find one.
Finding a partner has a lot to do with timing and luck. So be patient, and let yourself meet women without any expectations. That way, when the time is right and you have just the right amount of luck, the woman of your dreams will meet you and fall in love with you.
Noah Robinson is a junior psychology major. He can be reached at noahumd@gmail.com. To submit an anonymous question, go to tinyurl.com/HumpDayDBK.
